three's a crowd

describe your relationship with your parents

this is another pretty hard question. my relationship with my parents has morphed so much over the years. i guess i can just explain my whole life and you can take it or leave it!

also, to understand my relationship with my parents, you need to understand that i am fully aware that i am a brat. i know that my relationships with my parents were shaped mostly by my own brattiness. i know that i could have had a hollywood-type relationship with my parents if i had wanted one. that our relationships have struggled is a reflection on my own issues, not theirs. 

my dad was always the do-no-wrong type in my childhood. that is why, when he did wrong, it was really hard for me to move past it. i spent most of my teenaged years angry and bitter toward my dad for whatever reason my teenaged self saw as justified. i saw him as the enemy, and was fine having as little contact with him as possible. we lived under the same roof, but i cannot remember having any conversation with him about anything other than things like "the food is ready" or "go do _____" that all changed during the last half of my senior year in high school, when my dad became deathly ill. for the first time in my life, he was fragile, and truly on death's door. that was a humbling experience for me. i had to reconcile my resentments toward him with the pity and love i was feeling because of his illness. he became less of the enemy and more of my dad. i realized how little my anger mattered, and how much i was willing to fight for his health and life. that was a huge deal for me, and changed our relationship so much. now, years later, his health is still an issue, and every so often we are reminded how sick he is, but i love those reminders. they help me keep focused and keep my priorities in check. now, i can chat with my dad about anything and everything. i don't see him as a disciplinarian or authority figure, i see him as my dad and a human. which is much better than when i saw him as a conglomerate of his flaws.

my mom. we have so many personality traits in common. my mom would always say that, but i hated to hear it. i hated to think that i was like her. in my eyes, she was a mom. i was an original, the only one like me. there was no way we were alike. i had all the teenaged angst in the world and truly believed that there was no one out there who could understand me. not a single soul. thus, when my mom tried to understand me, i pushed her away. i pushed especially hard the (many) times she got it right or got it close. i did not like the thought that she was in my head. that she might have insight i could use. i just wanted to go it alone. to prove who knows what to the world. while i was rekindling my relationship with my dad, my mom was busy trying to save our family. she went back to school, as it was apparent my dad would never be able to work again. the timing was bad for me, but when does illness take into account our own preferences and convenience? i disagreed with her going to school for selfish reasons, and because i could not see the bigger picture. i thought that her doing what was right for the family without consulting me was a personal attack, so the resentment i felt shaped our relationship for years afterward. once again, because the problem was mine; had always been mine, it was not until i was humbled that i was able to see my mom for the amazing, self-less and beautiful woman she was once more. i was able to recall the amazing cook she once was, back when she had time to spend in the kitchen. the beautiful blankets, wall hangings, clothes she could craft with her bare hands, back when she had personal time to relax. i was able to remember all of our trips she took us on, the singing in the car, the constant support she was, even when the last thing i deserved was support. i was able to recall my mom, the super woman. and i haven't looked back yet!