Sunday, June 27, 2010


this sweet boy is my all-time favorite baby. of all my nephews, he's the most easy-going. he's the nicest baby we've ever had in my family. he's named for my oldest brother, and has his same sweet, easy-going personality.  

yesterday, baby and i had a photo shoot all of our own. he cooperated, smiled, and was a perfect subject. in this shot though, he needed a break. just for a minute before he was back up and smiling again. it's a pretty tough job being so adorable!

Sunday, June 20, 2010


well, i posted about my two favorite fathers, my dad here and here and my grandpa here. if you want to know what i think about them, or why i love them, go ahead and read. but, today is both my mama's birthday (post on her here) and father's day. the father i want to talk about today is a future father. here he is:

this is my baby brother. he's my favorite future father, and for sure one of my favorite all time people. this kid is thoughtful and caring, but he is mostly just all-around a nice kid.

this past mother's day found me playing the role of the spinster--the only female in my family who has yet to provide progeny to the family line. i spent the day throwing myself a pity party. this kid spent the morning  making sure to bring me  breakfast in bed.

no matter what the occasion, my baby brother is thoughtful and kind. he is the voice of reason in so many cases, and the amount of thought he puts into all of his beliefs astounds me. no matter what he has decided he believes, he believes it whole-heartedly and is loyal to the cause. my baby brother is helpful to the max. he's the youngest, so he grew up doing everyone's bidding. but, he never complains, and never asks for anything in return. just helps out any way he can, and with a good attitude.

my nephews and the princess adore him, he's by far the favorite, funnest, and coolest uncle. he's the one everyone wants attention from. mostly, though i just love this kid. one day, he's going to make an awesome dad. today, on a day dedicated to dads (and i didn't forget my mama's birthday), i hope my baby brother has the most awesome day. he's my favorite in so many ways.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


so, i understand that i am biased on this matter. i am the child of a [once] illegal immigrant. but, i am also the child of  ancestors who came here on the mayflower, and ancestors who must be called native americans, because they were the first.

i also understand that i posted just a few hours ago. however, after reading this article and glancing at the comments, i was enraged. here is just a small rant. probably not real easy to understand, but i don't really care. also, if you do not agree, i do not care to hear about it. i will delete your comments.

immigration is such a dividing, horrible matter. it usually makes me livid to read or hear people's opinions on the matter. if you try to discuss it with me, i will refuse. i cannot be reasonable, i get too emotional. instead of being Christ-like, loving, or humble, it seems like people talking about immigration become hateful. i honestly do not understand it. i do not see what the huge, looming threat from immigration is.

it disgusts me that mexicans have taken the brunt of this hate. there are plenty of illegal immigrants from more places than mexico. those places just don't  carry the stigma that being mexican does. accents are seen as attractive--who doesn't like to hear a gorgeous aussie talk? have a mexican accent, though, and you get a completely different reaction.

when did we, as a people, decide that we are so much better than our fellow man? when did we decide that we get to judge others; that we know their lives?  when did it become such a huge privilege to be american, and why are we so leery to share that privilege? i guess it's human nature to want to be superior, and i am sure they have been gossiping and judging since adam. i just don't see the point in all the hate. whatever happened to world peace?

yes, i feel like immigrating legally is the best option. however, i do not think it is reasonable to think that can be the only option. we're trying to literally seal our southern border (and killing teenagers there) but what about the border to the north?  what about our coastlines? how did we become this obsessed with only one piece of the puzzle, demonizing and making mexicans the scapegoats for the larger problem?

sealing the border will not solve anything. it will not fix the millions of american citizens addicted, who fuel the drug industry. it will not stop crime, will not pay hospital bills. it will do nothing but harm our relationships with our neighbors, and harm our moral quality as a nation.

amnesty is the only conscionable answer. the immigrants who are here already are not going anywhere. they have spouses and children, have jobs no one else wants. why not provide a gateway to legality? more people paying into the tax bank is something that usually motivates everyone in government.

taking basic human rights from illegal immigrants only opens up the door to taking rights from other unfavorable groups. i think arizona is taking the complete wrong angle on this matter. creating a culture of fear is never profitable for either party.

punishing innocent babies because of the manner their parents entered this country is wrong. end of story. any baby born on our shores deserves every right to citizenship possible. anything less is the start of a slippery slope.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

everything changes

well, it seems like my whole world is a different place right now. a week ago today, i was working at provo canyon school, and had every intention of staying there for a long time. the past few days have found me starting a new job. it's interesting being back on the other side of the hiring table.

my favorite part about this new job is that i have yet to be cussed out. i am working customer service, so i know it will happen, but it is nice to not have to worry about that same customer breaking my knee or punching me. the biggest, and by far best thing about my new job is that i have weekends off!!  it's so exciting that i do not have to work sundays anymore, or find coverage saturdays for rugby. the only downside is that i have to wake up at a decent hour nowadays; no more sleeping till 12 or 1pm for me :)

it's a good change, but most importantly a change. it's so easy for me to get comfortable and complacent, i am glad to be able to break that cycle.

in other news, i am going back to school second block this fall.

also, i am going to france.

way excited about both!!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

paint the sky with stars

i took an astronomy class during one of my many stints at college. it is by far my favorite class. ever. i learned not only to identify constellations, but to love the night sky and all of the infinite bits of wisdom and knowledge you can get from studying it and tracking its patterns.

i especially love nights like tonight, where the sky creates a perfect inky black dome above your head. it's so easy to be grateful, amazed, and humbled on nights like this. it is hard for me to come inside after spotting a sky like this one. all i want to do is lay under it and ponder until the sun disturbs my thoughts. i love to stare at the stars especially. my mind wanders as i look at the sky--i never stay on one subject too long. first, i might contemplate the age of the stars and sky. then, maybe i'll move onto spiritual things. maybe hit the subject of life. who knows what else. the only constant is that i think. 

after studying it long enough, you begin to see the canvas of the Lord in the sky. cassiopeia-mother of andromeda; chained to her throne in the heavens. orion the hunter with his loyal dogs. draco, the great dragon. the phoenix, soaring through the skies and leo, the great lion of the heavens. ursa major and minor (or the big and little dipper) which are key to locating polaris-the north star.

the ancient people of our world used the stars as a connection to their deity and a means of survival. by knowing intimately the skies, they were able to place themselves in the larger world. they were able to give their communities place and purpose, but also to navigate vast continents. thus, they were able to expand and grow, to visit faraway places, but be able to return to the comforts of home once more.

my sister took a picture of some of my cousins over memorial day weekend. when i look at it, i see two girls running through a field. my peripheral vision misses a third on the right, and my mind completely blocks out the head of a dog, sticking up through the grasses between the girls. i can't help but think this is the result of my mind being conditioned to block out these simple details. as soon as you show the same picture to one of the kids, their first remark is-without fail-about the dog.

the same is true about many things in our modern world--they are easily blocked out; whether by minds that long-ago determined them useless, or the noise and clutter that permeates our world. many of life's simplest pleasures have been lost to the clutter. navigating with the use of polaris is no longer necessary with gps and perfectly straight and paved roads (complete with infinitely helpful road signs). as a culture, we have begun to worship each other--whether it be our own genius, cunning, or beauty. thus, there is little need for deity in our lives.  there is also little need for divine intervention when we attribute all earthly happenings to a scientific cause.

we discussed in sunday school yesterday the importance of finding quiet and calm to better feel the promptings of the spirit. i think that this need extends also to the mortal world. i feel strogly that the Lord wants us to be educated. he wants us to be lifelong learners, but in the midst of that learning, we cannot allow our minds to block out that which truly matters. it is so easy to slip into the habit of worshiping our own "greatness" rather than the infinite greatness of the Lord.

in 2 nephi 9:28, it says o that cunning plan of the evil one! o the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men!  for when they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore their wisdom is foolishness, and it profiteth them not..

i doubt i will ever need to learn to live off the heavens, or even navigate using them, but the fact that i could if need be is awesome. i hope to become a more grateful and aware person by seeking out the quiet, calm moments in life. they give life clarity and direction. the calm moments are harder to come by, but they solidify my place in this world. most importantly, though, they allow me to hear and feel the spirit.  

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


i have written about leaving home before. at the time, i did not put a ton of thought into how my choice affected anyone else. i knew it was a good step for me. i knew it would make me happy, so i did it. 

tonight, my baby brother shared with me his thoughts about me leaving. it was heartbreaking. it shocked me, and made me question the decision i made 5 years ago. i for sure wish i had realized a little sooner than now, what in impact that decision had on those around me. 

the concept that in order to be 'happy', you must find yourself is a lie. as is the concept that you should do whatever makes you happy, regardless of the impact it has on anyone else. society pushes these lies, and so many more, on our children--particularly our little girls. as a child, or young girl, i completely bought into these lies. not because i am gullible or stupid, but because these lies are so widespread, it was hard to realize how untrue they are. i believed that i needed to find myself, to do whatever made me happy. the entire world believed it also, so i felt pretty confident.  

it's only lately that i realize how dangerous that lie can be, and how perpendicular it is to the teachings of the gospel. the gospel clearly tells me who i am, and how i can feel good about myself, and that's through service. the happiness i was seeking was earthly, and brought with it an expiration date. true happiness transcends time and space. it's eternal. 

i have made a lot of decisions, taking into account only my own life. i thought that was one of the perks of being single; i only have to worry about myself. but, the conversation i had with my baby brother tonight changed that perspective. in fact, it probably put it into the proper perspective. i am realizing that this is a time where i need to dedicate myself to service. i need to give more than i am taking. that is the only way i can truly be happy.