Saturday, October 23, 2010

a truth of my own

well, i was invited to a halloween gno. one of the requirements for entry is a blog post about yourself, printed and brought. i'm not sure if i can make it to the gno, but i sure was interested in posting about myself. it's one of my favorite things to do!

my name is latutama. i was born in salt lake city, utah on a beautiful spring day in 1986. one day, i am sure i will not want to reveal my birth year, but for now, i am ok with it. 24's a great age to be!  i did all the normal things growing up- soccer as a child, baptism into the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints at 8, school from ages 5-18, some more school after that, work after that, etc. i guess the things that are not normal are the in-betweens. the story everyone really wants.

school has always been easy for me. i was blessed with a sharp mind, and the ability to express myself through writing. when i was in high school, i discovered that writing was an awesome stress reliever. back then, my writing was largely unseen by others. i would write a poem or paper (i called it prose, haha) and hide it away. the emotions and thoughts i wrote were far too personal to chance anyone else reading it. as i have grown older, i have learned to express myself without getting so personal i couldn't let others read it.

i adore talking about myself. that is almost the biggest reason i have a blog (see the paragraph above for the single biggest reason) being understood by the people i love is big for me. if people i don't like misunderstand me, i could care less. but i hate the thought that someone i love will do it. thus, i blog.

i was a headstrong, stubborn, bossy child. the only thing that has changed as i have grown older is that i have figured out how to take advantage of those traits. i can turn them on and off, depending on what the situation calls for. i am extremely good at reading people and manipulating them. sad to say, but i am. if i can get a foot in the door and get a job interview, i can get the job. i interview really well and people come out of interviews really liking me.

i like being right, and argue unrelentingly until i prove my point. it is annoying for the people around me, and annoying for me. arguing and having to be right is one of the few character flaws i don't have under control. i can physically stop myself from arguing if i want. but i cannot stop my brain from finding ways to prove my point. it drives me crazy that people might not know i am right at all times. but it really annoys me that i haven't figured out how to stop that thought process earlier.

i procrastinate. a lot. if something is stressing me out, or i am too busy to deal with it, i am great at filing it away in my mind and not thinking about it. that usually leads to procrastination. not always on purpose, but when i file something away, it's completely out of my mind. i have to be reminded to do it or deal with it or it never gets done.

all i have ever wanted was to get married and have tons of kids. i am not sure how it happened that i am the only girl in my family to make it past 19 without being married (and 21 without kids...) but i did it!! in a lot of ways, i am not ready to be married or have kids. i love being unattached, being able to do whatever i want without having to check with my husband or find people to watch my kids. in a lot of ways, though, the clock is ticking down. my single days are numbered. i know this, but i really want to just have fun while i can.

i adore my hair. it gets sun bleached in the summer, and darkens in the winter. it has redish/blondish highlights, which i love. the best part about my hair, though, is that i can shower, brush through it once, and not touch it again and it is perfectly straight. i adore it, unless i am trying to curl it. then it really sucks. for my sister's wedding, we had to pin it in ringlets, because no matter what we tried, it would not stick in curls.

i play womens rugby. i love rugby. rugby is the first time in my life that i have been able to be aggressive and strong and been able to tackle people. i love that i can play rugby and still walk off the field a girl, still be as girly as i want at home, but be really good at something so physical. rugby is the first sport i have ever loved. i played other sports, and enjoyed some of them, but i love rugby. rugby has taken over my life, but i have no regrets about it. i  ♥ rugby

i am ocd. another sad, but true paragraph. i obsess about things. a lot of the time, it is food i am obsessing about. i find a food i like, and have to have it all the time. usually, it turns out to be about 5-7 times before i am done obsessing about it. any time i am hungry, i want that particular food. after the 6th or 7th time eating it, i just stop craving it. i don't hate it, and would still eat it if i had the chance. i just don't need to track it down anymore. at one time, i was a counter. my number was 3. i loved things in multiples of three. one of my compulsions was counting things, especially car lengths and stride lengths. it made my world calm if i could neatly fit three car lengths in a certain space, or three strides in a space. i also had to tap things. if i was extremely stressed, i would need to tap every box of cereal in the store. less stress meant i could get away with just tapping one of each kind of cereal. i don't like getting dirty. unless i have already accepted that dirt is a part of my current environment. thus, while camping, i will sit anywhere, do anything and not worry about the dirt or bugs. when i am picnicing, though, i have to be careful. dirt is not a part of picnics!

wow, this post is long. but i told you i love talking about myself! one more thought before i stop, and an explanation of the picture. i have a camera smile, the one i like in pictures of myself. it is very different from my unplanned, real smile. my sister likes my real smile, and it seems like it is her mission in life to catch it. the following picture is an in-between smile. i had my picture smile on, and my sister made me laugh, so this is the mixture of real and fake. it's not very pretty, i know. but, i felt it was worth documenting. especially cause it's already tagged of me on facebook. :)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

super powers

i was talking to my sister yesterday about her son who is in kindergarten and his first experience staying home sick from school. long story short, he regretted wanting to stay home about 10 minutes after making the choice (when he found out it would not be a fun-filled, play with friends kind of day!)

it made me think of when i was younger and would convince my mom i was too sick to go to school. when i was too sick to go to school, my mom would put me through a cleaning test. she told me she could tell by how i cleaned if i was really sick or just pretending. believing my mom to have super powers (because she only put me through this test when i was faking it) i would diligently clean all three or four rooms assigned, all the while, making sure to milk the illness. i would pretend to struggle pushing the vacuum (i was so weak from being sick!) and have to take a breather after every few times bending over. sometimes, i would crawl across the room to pick things up. folding blankets took an eternity and dusting made me cough frantically. i thought i was putting on quite the act.

it seemed to work every time!  my mom was buying this crap!  its only now that i look back that i realize my mom just wanted a clean house. she didn't as much care if i was really sick, i was making myself useful at home.

for that creativity and so many more reasons (i'm remembering pick up contests with my siblings-- whoever picked up the most rubbish or toys off the floor won; quiet wars and quiet time) i love my mom. hopefully one day, i can convince my own kids of super powers like hers!

Thursday, October 7, 2010


my grandma was one of those people. the kind everyone wanted to be around. no matter where she went, she would draw a crowd. she was like a magnet. people would drift toward her. if grandma was going to be somewhere, or at some event, it was enough reason to go also.

one week ago today, i experienced that same feeling, only it was not with grandma-she's long gone. this time, grandpa was the one creating the magnetic field, gathering our loved ones around us. it happened at my brother's football game. before it clicked, i watched as wave upon wave of family came walking up to our spot on the bleachers. sitting there, surrounded by family, i listened as they each chatted and caught up with each other. i loved it, it felt so much like home. while watching the kids play on the hill, i realized why i loved that feeling so much. it has been years since my grandma's been around. last thursday, i felt the same feeling i used to feel when she was here.

i'm so glad that my grandpa came down to watch the game, and so glad i got to see all my family!

grandpa with all of the kids (that's sweet elise behind the sippy cup, lol)