once upon some times

well, his post is gonna be a lot of once upon a times. :)

once upon a time, i forced myself to throw up so i could leave work early and go watch my baby brother's football game. that was at 3pm. i spent the rest of the evening on the verge of really throwing up. karma is a b*tch and i probably should have stayed at work.

once upon a time, i spent a few months sneaking out at night. my friend and i would push my brother's car down the driveway and down the street, before jumping in and starting it. we got more and more nervy with our sneaking out as time went on. eventually, i stopped jumping out my window and just left through the back door. one night in particular, we pushed the car right past an rv that was parked in front of the house and came within inches of hitting it.  we laughed it off and continued on. the night that halted our escapades was when i spent about 4 minutes stalling the car all the way across an intersection and into an arby's parking lot. that same night, when we came back in the wee morning hours, my baby sister was waiting for me in my room. she claimed that someone had tried to open my unlocked window and come to rape her. for some reason, in her story, this person merely opened the window and stuck their head in, then closed it. no matter how unplausible her story, i decided i would not sneak out again. i could not afford to let my sister get kidnapped, just so i could sneak out. i thought we were so devious and sneaky. now, looking back, i realize we were just dumb. (and my sister was just caught up in all the elizabeth smart drama)

once upon a time, my favorite past time was stealing caution cones and cross walk flags. i would use them to mob people's cars. cake mix, saran wrap, and oil make the best materials.  so much more fun than toilet papering a house. almost as much fun as power boxing a house/apartment complex.

once upon a time, i had a conversation with a friend about having never seen a ghost or had anything creepy happen to me. less than a week later, i saw a ghost at an abandoned house in american fork.

once upon a time, we looked up the sex offender registry in a civics class. building up to this (required) search, we made lots of hurtful and unnecessary comments. i guess what high school kids wouldn't?  anywho, as it turns out, the father of a girl in our class is on the registry. she pretended to be shocked, and  left immediately after that and dropped the class. i can't even explain how awkward it was, or how badly i feel about it still.

once upon a time (ok,so this past saturday) i cracked my sternum. you can clearly trace the outline of one of my ribs as it attempts to connect to my sternum. it is swollen and hot to the touch, but ibuprofen helps a little. it hurts to exhale, it hurts to twist, it hurts to bend down, it hurts to stand up straight, and it hurts to touch it. basically, it just hurts. hahaha.

once upon a time, my daddy was working on a hotel construction in maui. because of hawaiian laws about construction in the area of burial grounds, construction would have to shut down if they unearthed any kind of remains. so, my daddy would bring bones to work (chicken, steak. you name it) and hide them, only to "find" them whenever he wanted an early weekend.

my masey

this is my mase:

his mom is gonna cringe when she sees this picture. she is my sister and does professional photography, and this pic is nothing more than me pointing and shooting with a $100 camera. but i love it.

he loves thomas. i am not sure you can read that on his shirt, but this kid is obsessed. we rode the thomas train this summer. it was 15 minutes long. the train inched about 300 yards from the station and then back. this kid was in heaven, though.

there is a store around these parts called maseys. it is a grocery store. and he thinks it was named after him. he loooves going to "my store" and getting ice cream cones bigger than his head. i wish i were still so innocent to firmly believe that someone decided to open a chain of grocery stores and name them after me because i'm just that cool.

we bash heads a lot, this kid and i. i tend to think i know everything, and he knows he knows everything. we are both stubborn and grouchy. i have a neice who is my mini me, and hes the male version of that. secretly, though, it makes me love him even more. i get him.

masey's best trait, though is his caring. last night, at about 1:20 am, i got a phone call from this sweet boy. he had a dream that my car was on a boat that was sinking, and i was dying. he was so worried that i was dead, he made his mom come with him to find me, and when they couldn't do that, he made her call me.

this morning, when i came home and he woke up, he was beaming. he was so glad "my latu" was not dead. for that, and so many more reasons, i adore this kid!  (oh, and sorry pene that i didn't use one of your pretty pics....)

you make me want to float away

this old man turned 57 today.

we can't talk about today as his birthday, though. when he was born, his mom waited too long to register his birth. to avoid paying a fine for beingso late, she told the government his birthday was two months later than it really is. so, for most of the world, he is still 56. but you and i know the truth.

i have so many things to say, its hard to even put into words. i love this picture so much. almost as much as i love this old man.

i am so grateful that he let me take this picture of him. usually, he brushes us off or will make goofy faces, but this day was different. i have always thought that i am a white version of him, and i think this picture shows that pretty well (ok, ok, i am prettier and younger!)

one day, i want to have smile lines permanently surrounding my eyes like his. if the smile lines on my cheeks never leave, i'll be a happy girl. i want to wear the signs of a happy life on my face, for the world to see. smile lines are by far the most beautiful part about growing old.

on this day, when i remember how old my daddy is, i also remember how fragile life is. i am so grateful he is around still. 5 years ago if you would have told me he'd still be around and kicking, i would have kicked you cause that's not funny.  but here he is, 57 years old (or 56, depending on who is asking!) and still going. i am eternally grateful for his presence in my life, and i pray he sticks around another 5 (or 50) years!

i feel it all over my body

have you ever loved someone so much it hurt?  i'm feeling that love right now, but the people i feel it for are people i've never even met.

i have been contemplating life a lot lately. the other night, i laid out under the stars for hours and just thought. i couldn't sleep, my mind was racing. it was a good time, i really needed the thinking. i thought a lot about the children i will one day have, the direction my life is going vs where i want it to go. if it weren't for those sweet, innocent spirits, there is no doubt in my mind that i would spend the rest of my life partying and playing. but i know that's not what i really want.

everyone has to grow up sometime, right?  the only problem is that i feel like i have grown up. this phase is just a passing one. just a place holder, the bridge into the rest of my life.

no matter what my life brings, i am determined to be the best mother my children could wish for. it's the least i can do, right?

along those same lines, i am going to france, baby!!!! i have like 4 or 5ish weeks left, and you are probably wondering how this applies to the rest of the post...hahaha

really, though. one day, i want to settle down and live the dream (house, kids, husband) but for now, i am single and i plan on living it up. how often do you really get the chance to visit france?  i can tell you for myself, not often.

i send you my love

so, i have a secret blog. one that i post on when i don't want the world to know my life. i actually don't post on it a lot because i am fine with the world knowing most of my thoughts. but some times, a post here just can't do justice to what is going on in my mind. sometimes, a situation is just too personal for sharing with the group. thus, i post on my secret blog. it feels the same as posting here, but i know that i can be 100x more honest and make 100x less sense on my secret blog. it's like a journal, only i can type into it at my convenience. i am a huge fan of keeping accurate records for my future posterity, and a secret blog really helps me do that. 

that was a lot of explanation.  haha, probably too much, but there you have it. you, the unidentified internet masses, are not privy to all of my innermost thoughts. just most of them.

the water's always changing, always flowing

well, a few weeks ago, at the NTAS tournament, i sprained my ankle. seriously just a few days ago, it stopped swelling and i began to be able to run on it. it was perfect timing, as we had another tournament this past weekend (which we won :) my bruises from this tournament are much smaller and nicer, but i have a bruise right over/to the side of my left eye. i don't know which i would rather: huge bruises that hurt a ton, but people cant see; or a little bruise that is super visible but doesn't hurt....

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pocahontas has always been my unofficial disney princess. when i was younger, i was convinced i was an indian princess. it didn't matter to me that my mom was 1/16th. that made me 1/32nd, which was a lot of indian as far as i was concerned. i loved the songs from the disney movie, especially just around the river bend. it was fascinating thinking about rivers from that perspective. the water always changes. every time you step into a river, it's a completely different river than the last time. i love that concept.

i also love rivers. or water in general. my new job is right across the road from the provo river (or the rapist river, for those of us who are super specific) during lunch, i love to walk across and just sit by the river. it's so calming and nice.  just me and the river. any time work has been annoying, i go to the river and can literally feel the tension drain off. its like pulling the plug in a drain.

the reason is that white noise is calming.

i first learned that once upon a time when i worked as a tracker in a junior high. it had been a super stressful day, and i was soooo tense (and dramatic, too, haha!)

i ducked into the auditorium. just to be alone for a bit (another thing i love) i turned on the house lights, and plopped down in one of the chairs. i was completely alone in that huge room, with only the sound of the a/c to keep me company. i just sat, listening to the white noise and realized my breathing was slowing, my jaw was loosening, and i was not tense anymore. not.at.all.

the white noise cancelled out all of the other noises, and provided a baseline for my breathing and heart rate. since that day, i have loved it, and sought it out any time i needed to calm down. it's a little different than pocahontas, but that's what i like most about rivers.

time

well, today is the three-year mark. it's the day that marks three years since my grandma's passing.

today, of all days, i miss her a lot. yesterday, my rugby team won the national tongan american society's womens tournament. it feels like we won the world, but i am sure the world doesn't even know the difference. it was a fun weekend, but i was not able to completely erase the memory from my mind. my grandma would absolutely adore that i play rugby. it would be in the newsletter constantly.

my grandma wrote a newsletter weekly. it was called meanwhile, back at the ranch. she began writing it for her kids and their families, but it soon spread because so many people enjoyed reading it. by the time she passed, grandma was writing to all sorts of people, family and friends. she would report on her family, if there was anything noteworthy (or even worth mentioning) going on, she would put in in there. she always had fun titles for sections and pretty pictures.

i lived for that newsletter. i think that is one thing that i miss the most. that newsletter, or the lady behind it, was a huge part of the glue that bonded us as a family. we were always kept abreast of the family's business. we knew when a baby blessing or baby were coming up, what activities had been going on, who stopped by to see grandma, and what her moods were like. toward the end, we became experts on the chemotherapy treatments she was undergoing. we all joined her in a diet that was destined to save her from imminent death from leukemia.

that newsletter kept us all together. it kept the family functions often and close together. that newsletter came to represent all that grandma was. it was a source of information, a resource, and most importantly, a bond. when she passed away, so did the newsletter. sometimes, i still catch myself thinking "i should tell grandma so she can put this in the newsletter" or more often, "i don't want this making it into the newsletter" it's a nice game to play, imagining what information grandma would include in a newsletter written today. would she tell us about my small brother playing the uke? my little cousin going camping? my rugby? for sure, she'd write about the family that gathered in idaho this weekend. she'd have so much to say.

the truth of the matter is that i think i am trying to re-create that newsletter--on a smaller scale--with this blog. i have so many thoughts and feelings, i want to share them with people, but more than that, i want them to be out there. i want them said.