time

well, today is the three-year mark. it's the day that marks three years since my grandma's passing.

today, of all days, i miss her a lot. yesterday, my rugby team won the national tongan american society's womens tournament. it feels like we won the world, but i am sure the world doesn't even know the difference. it was a fun weekend, but i was not able to completely erase the memory from my mind. my grandma would absolutely adore that i play rugby. it would be in the newsletter constantly.

my grandma wrote a newsletter weekly. it was called meanwhile, back at the ranch. she began writing it for her kids and their families, but it soon spread because so many people enjoyed reading it. by the time she passed, grandma was writing to all sorts of people, family and friends. she would report on her family, if there was anything noteworthy (or even worth mentioning) going on, she would put in in there. she always had fun titles for sections and pretty pictures.

i lived for that newsletter. i think that is one thing that i miss the most. that newsletter, or the lady behind it, was a huge part of the glue that bonded us as a family. we were always kept abreast of the family's business. we knew when a baby blessing or baby were coming up, what activities had been going on, who stopped by to see grandma, and what her moods were like. toward the end, we became experts on the chemotherapy treatments she was undergoing. we all joined her in a diet that was destined to save her from imminent death from leukemia.

that newsletter kept us all together. it kept the family functions often and close together. that newsletter came to represent all that grandma was. it was a source of information, a resource, and most importantly, a bond. when she passed away, so did the newsletter. sometimes, i still catch myself thinking "i should tell grandma so she can put this in the newsletter" or more often, "i don't want this making it into the newsletter" it's a nice game to play, imagining what information grandma would include in a newsletter written today. would she tell us about my small brother playing the uke? my little cousin going camping? my rugby? for sure, she'd write about the family that gathered in idaho this weekend. she'd have so much to say.

the truth of the matter is that i think i am trying to re-create that newsletter--on a smaller scale--with this blog. i have so many thoughts and feelings, i want to share them with people, but more than that, i want them to be out there. i want them said.