night nurse

mason is my sister-son, or my nephew. either term works. mason lives with us. he is the sunshine in my day. i wait for the moment every day. the moment when i hear his little footsteps running up the stairs to yell my name and jump into my arms. good morning, auntie latu!  he yells. i'm hungry for saimini he will say, or is it ok if you share with me? eying my cereal. later in the afternoon, he will interrupt me with um, auntie latu? i have to tell you something. i love you! my masey is my buddy and by far the highlight of my day. he is the brightness of our entire house. and he has a brain tumor. i said it. it kind of feels liberating. i made it official by pronouncing it to the universe.

on thursday morning, masey went in for emergency brain surgery in what everyone assumed was a fools errand, to remove the tumor. amazingly, surgery went well. way better than the doctors expected it to. masey is also doing way better than the doctors expected him to. he is out of the picu (pediatric intensive care unit) and on the brain trauma unit. things are looking up every day for this kid.

within an hour of waking from the 11 hour brain surgery and having his breathing tube taken out, masey's personality was already shining through--he was requesting thomas the tank engine. it was such a relief to know that he is our same masey, and fighting like crazy to beat this. the doctors and nurses are all shocked at his progress. to be out of the picu not even 48 hours after surgery is amazing, and he continues to improve. he has not needed nearly as much morphine as expected. in fact, he has been refusing it. the nurses love his personality, and he is making an impression on everyone who walks into the room.

as i sit here, playing the role of night nurse, i just want to gush on and on about masey's progress. but i realize that none of that is relevant without the following knowledge: 


masey is the recipient of a miracle.

none of the neuro surgeons expected him to leave the o.r. alive. but here he is!  the fact that he is here is a testament to the power of prayer, the power of fasting, but most importantly, the power of the Lord. wednesday night and thursday morning, my world looked hopeless and bleak. i prayed and tried to have faith. i knew there was a God, and i knew he could spare my masey's life. but i was terrified that he would not. i was terrified that my masey would be stripped from my life. the thought was paralyzing.

but, the Lord is good, and it was not masey's time to leave. so, he was spared. now, as i sit next to his bed watching guard over the night, i am overwhelmed with gratitude. in times like this, you are forced to re-prioritize, to decide what is really important. is getting my hair cut really that important in the grand scheme of things? is the carton of eggs mason broke onto the floor, trying to cook really that big of a deal? how about family prayer and church? family home evening? school? rugby? there are so many things i am now reconsidering. so many things that seem frivolous. so so many that need more attention and priority.

i need to be a better auntie, sister, daughter, and friend. i need to devote more time to my family. not just time in the day when i am home, but actual time spent interacting with my family. i need to be a better, and more supportive, understanding friend to my own friends. i need to let the little things go and stop arguing over stupid stuff. i need to appreciate my nephews and the princess more. because life is fragile. if there is one thing i take away, it is that knowledge.

in one morning, masey went from a bundle of bouncing boy with limitless potential, to a dying child--something you saw on st. jude commercials, not a reality. it was a hard reality to swallow. we had a matter of hours from diagnosis till surgery. a few precious hours to enjoy our masey boy. we knew the odds of him coming out alive. we knew the odds of him coming out with his full brain function. we knew the odds, but were praying and pleading that he could beat them.

and beat them he did! i know this journey cannot always be without speed bumps, and i know that he is definitely one of the lucky ones. i know that his brain still has to heal and he could easily get an infection. i know that he will likely need chemo or another brain surgery. i know that this will not be easy for us, and it will be extremely hard for masey.  but somehow, watching over him tonight, i feel confident about all of those trials. masey is a trooper. he is a figher. and he will win. he's my hero. and he is a miracle baby.

the before shot

the after shot