Always playing catch-up

Well, it's been FOREVER since I have posted anything, so here is my catch-up post. =)


The brown baby (Masey) has learned the art of speaking, and--lucky for me--one of his favorite words is "Tu!" It was adorable that he knew my name (for all of about two minutes). After that, it's kind of gotten annoying to constantly hear him calling me. I sometimes wish I could fast-forward time, because I know that when he grows up and moves past me, I am going to miss these times (and wish I had appreciated them more) But I guess the first step to appreciating it is to deal with the annoyance now =)


I realized how much I absolutely love and cannot live without mountains while in Nauvoo. The first morning in the midwest, I kept seeing shadows through the window of the bus, and I subconsciously assumed they were mountains off in the distance. It was seriously such a let-down to realize, "no, those are not mountains, and you will not see real mountains for quite a while"


As you probably assumed from the above paragraph, I went to Nauvoo (as well as all churchy-type destinations between here and there) I saw the city Beautiful, the valley of Adam-Ondi-Ahman, touched the majestic Mississippi River, stood where the Prophet Joseph was martyred. Overall, it was an absolutely amazing trip, but horrible because it's made me want to go back (and if you could see all the stuff I bought while there, you would know why that's a bad idea. Mormons will buy anything.)


Well, that's just a highlight of the past month for me. Not too much special going on. Mostly just working away!

Nightwatch

Well, here I am, at work. It's 5:00 am, and I've got two more hours left of nightwatch before I can go home. I'm perched on the floor, 7/8 of the way down the hall, at the only spot where there is an internet connection, typing away.

I figure now is as good a time as any to blog, especially because my mom updated her blog. I would seriously feel like a loser if I didn't update mine also!

Not much is going on in the life of Latu right now. I got my first pay check (or will get it tomorrow) with my new supervisor's raise, and I can tell you it sure makes it easier for me to come to work, knowing I am making what I used to make at time-and-a-half =) I've worked about 14 of 16 hours so far today, and I am so ready to go home and sleep. Even the empty beds are looking appealing at this point.

I'm going to Nauvoo--the city of Joseph--with Vili and his ward at the beginning of May. I cannot even tell you how excited I am, and how much I am looking forward to that great experience! I am excited to see the sights, go to the Nauvoo temple, see Adam-ondi-Ahman, I am even excited to be bitten by Mississippi River mosquitoes!

Probably the only other interesting bit of info is that I sprained my knee pretty badly a week ago, and it's just within the last day that I've been able to bend it enough to sit on the floor, bend down, jog, get out of chairs, etc. The gist of the story is that I, along with about 10 other staff, pretty much got told by a girl we had for a few days, who ended up being HUMONGOUS and assaultive. My ankle constantly cracks now, and I've been trying to hide my limp for days, but for the most part, my knee's a lot better; I've got nothing to complain about! (except for maybe my lack of sleep, but complaining is not going to fix that problem!)

I took the plunge....and came up breathing

Well. I did it. I applied for a promotion at my work. I was really on the fence about it, doubting myself, etc. Until I sat down and realized (or was told by my boss' sister) that if my own boss is telling me to apply, I probably should apply. So, I took the plunge, applied, and interviewed. I found out this week that I got the job! I am way way excited, but almost overwhelmed when I sit and think about the amount of responsibility I will have (on weekends, I'll be in charge of our entire treatment center, all the staff, and the 100+ girls there) But I am also so humbled and grateful that I've been so blessed. At barely 22, I am the youngest employee at my work, I've only worked here 6 months, and yet I've been given this amazing blessing and opportunity. I know it will be stressful, draining, and a LOT of responsibility, but I am way excited for the challenge!

Melancholy...

Such a descriptive word. I really like it, and it perfectly describes how I've been feeling lately. "A feeling of thoughtful sadness" is what Google says. I guess not so much the sadness, but definitely the thoughtfulness.

There are two different opportunities for advancement in my job right now, and I am really torn about whether I want to go for them or not. One of them would be doing the exact same thing I do now; just randomly, and working with a different group of girls every day (So my exact job, minus the emotional attachment). The other is a supervisor position- one that I'm being encouraged to apply for by my boss; but I am not sure I am ready for.

Part of me says, go for any opportunities you can. But another, more insistent, part of me would rather stay where I am--in a position I know I am great at--and not mess with the equilibrium. I do it quite often. I would rather have the "evil I know" that the evil I don't.

I am fully aware that this is not a normal-or healthy, really-philosophy, but it is completely worth it for me to stay somewhere I don't necessarily enjoy, if it means avoiding change. The unknown terrifies me more than anything (except maybe failure) and has a huge role in shaping my choices, thus my future.

I'm sure that in the end I will go for one of the other positions, and I am even relatively sure I will do well at either. But for now, I think I will just take advantage of the opportunity to be all melancholy for a while and enjoy the job I have while it's here.

It's good to reevaluate and contemplate every so often. I think that everyone should do it every once in a while. Even if it's only an excuse to use the word Melancholy. =)

My sister

Sometimes, I just need my Moses fix. I don't know what it is exactly, or why, but Moses has always been my favorite type of therapy. Seeing him come running up to me or listening to him prattle on about his day is like an instant decompression from any stress I'm under.

When I was in Ogden and going to school, he was my instant stress reliever. When I was a nanny and spent basically every waking moment with kids, all I would need to do is come to Talia's house and see Moses to remember why I became a nanny in the first place. He's just an adorable kid all around, and a huge blessing in my life.

I decided last night, though, that Moses is not the only reason I come to Talia's house. Sometimes I just really need my sister's advice. She is always willing to listen to my problems (or the things in my life that I see as problems) and give me sound advice. There is never a problem that I take to her that she does not advise me to pray/fast over. She is such a wonderful example of womanly virtue for me to follow. I just feel so incredibly blessed to have her in my life.

My sister is 8 years older than me, but she is one of my dearest, closest friends. When I was younger, she was always the incredibly cool older sister. She could do no wrong in my eyes. Now, through more clear eyes, I see that she has faults just like the rest of us, but she is a strong, spiritual, successful woman, and I would consider myself blessed if I turn out half as well as she has.

Rocky Mountain Power Sucks!

Well, the title may or may not be completely self-explanatory, but basically, Rocky Mountain Power Sucks. The Malad Valley of south-eastern Idaho is my haven, my escape, and my heritage.

My family has lived there/owned land there for four (actually, my generation is the fifth) generations. My great-great-grandfather emigrated there from Wales, and raised a family on land that's still "in the family." My great-grandfather and grandpa were born and raised there. My mom spent her childhood visiting her grandparents in Malad, and I spent my youth visiting there. The Malad valley is more than just a beautiful, scenic, and serene place to visit. It is the most heritage I have. It is the resting place of the mortal bodies of four of my grandpa's grandparents. It is where the physical body of my dear, sweet grandma will lie until the second coming.

It is the place I run to when I need a break from life. It is, in every way imaginable my haven. So, when I received an email titled "Help us save the Ranch," my heart dropped out of my chest and into my stomach. The beautiful Malad Valley is in danger of being overrun by huge power lines, with basically no public input or thought of the public impact.

So, here is my plea; visit the link above, write Rocky Mountain Power (or even PacifiCorp, their mother company) write to the Idaho Attorney General, the Idaho Public Utilities Commission, write to friends, co-workers, anyone who will help get the word out. This cannot be allowed to happen to my beloved Malad.

My addiction

Well, if my work would let me, I would constantly work 80 hour weeks. It is my vice and my addiction. I work almost that much as it is (65-70 hours, usually) and any time someone asks why, I say that I need the money and leave it at that. Lately, I've been wondering for myself why I constantly work that often. I do not necessarily save loads of money (even though I know I should) I don't have tons of huge bills to be paid. I'm really very good at my job, but my family is convinced I am working myself to death.


The reason I have come up with is that I am, in some weird way, trying to avoid my life through an addiction to work. Work is stressful, exhausting, and incredibly draining. Life can be rewarding, fun, happy (and is, when I have a random shift or day off) It should be an easy choice between the two, but I have chosen the unlikely option.


I think the reason is that, while work is stressful, draining, exhausting, it is work. I do not need to take responsibility for any of it. If something goes wrong, I can write it off in my conscience, and when my shift is over, return to life. Life, on the other hand, is wonderful, and I quite enjoy it, but when something goes wrong, there is no one BUT me to take responsibility. The only place to run to is work. I think this is why I choose to work constantly, with only short spurts of life thrown in. I would rather give up any happiness I could gain from life in order to avoid the possibility of sadness. I guess I am a fair-weather life liver. If I can't have all happiness, I'd rather not have any.


I've tried to convince myself that this is an absolutely normal and healthy outlook, but now that the prospect of three full days off from work staring me in the face, I am terrified. I feel almost like a junkie who has just been thrown into the drunk tank, suddenly faced with the prospect of an entire weekend spent detoxing and sober. There will be no work to numb the impact of life for me, and the thought panics me more than I can describe.


I have no idea what the next few days have in store for me (and the thought is scary), but I am really excited to find out. (and absolutely determined to use self-control and NOT go into work early)