8 years ago today, my angel niece came into, and left, this world. it's hard to believe she would be 8 today. she would be baptized, in second grade, and a perfect older sister.
my own older sister and her husband prayed for years for their daughter. becoming pregnant was an answer to prayers and the best blessing ever. i was ecstatic to be an auntie. all i had ever wanted was to be a mother, and auntie was next best.
i was in high school, a sophomore. i had spent the day not at school, but ditching with some friends. scared to be caught, i stayed away for a few hours after school, and finally made my way home at about 5 or 6. little did i know, my family had been frantically looking for me.
my auntie greeted me in the kitchen, and told me she had news. at that moment, my heart dropped, because i thought my great grandma (who was dying of cancer) had passed on. i was in no way prepared for the actual news she had to share. the fact that my niece was dead was nowhere on my radar. i had no point of reference for the devastation i felt in that moment.
my heart felt like it had fallen out of my chest. i thought i could probably see it flopping on the kitchen floor. it seemed like a cruel joke, something you should never joke about. it took a while to sink in. days, even.
my family, who had been preparing for my dear great grandmother's death, now had to deal with an even more crushing death. not the very old, but the so very young. the next day, it was vili's and my task to make the drive to ephraim and clear out my sister's house. we had to gather all the tiny baby clothes, the baby blankets, diapers, wet wipes, the ultrasound pictures. anything that might remind my sister of the baby she would not be bringing home.
it was a surreal time. my grief was fresh and new, and still stung. i wanted the grief to go away. this was not the plan. this was not how it was supposed to be. my sister was supposed to graduate that week, bring home her baby girl the next, and live happily ever after, mommy, daddy and beautiful baby girl.
i was inconsolable. i was a sobbing, crying mess. vili was strong and had amazing perspective, but i wanted nothing to do with his perspective. i wanted to be sad, to be angry. i thought somehow it would help. during the drive, the song be still my soul, came on. the calming i felt in that moment was a gift from the Lord. i was still horribly sad, but i was no longer devastated. i knew in that moment that the Lord was mindful of me. i knew that everything happens for a reason, and i don't need to know the reason to know that this is the Lord's plan. i knew then that my niece was not truly dead.
that song changed my mindset and attitude in an instant. the spirit calmed me and whispered sweet reassurances. i cannot listen to that song without thinking of my beautiful niece, Lile Genevieve. i know that one day, i will see her again. i know that the gospel of Christ is a gospel of hope and peace.
happy happy birthday, sweet girl!
4 comments:
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I just wanted to say, thank you for sharing this memory. I still remember this time so vividly. I know that there is a plan for all of us but sometimes it seems so unfair.
Love you!
I remember this day so vividly also and it was such a devastating and heart-wrenching day. Nicely put into words by you, as usual. I thought of her yesterday, also and her sweet family. I am so grateful for the gospel that gives us hope during our darkest and most desperate times.
Wow....this post totally made me cry. As you know, Talia is like my sister and when this happened, I felt so helpless.... I remember very vividly how I found out. I was on my mission, in Chile, and it was mother's day. I remember standing outside in the rain on a payphone so excited that I would get to talk to my family. My dad answered the phone and the first thing he said was "Talia's baby died" I was crushed, my heart dropped to the floor and I couldn't stop crying. I had just received a package a few days earlier from Talia with a ton of pictures of her pregnant belly...I wanted to call her and talk to her, to tell her that I loved her. But I couldn't. I felt so helpless. I can't imagine how it must feel to lose a child, but both David and Talia are so strong and such great examples. They've since had 3 absolutely beautiful children, but Lile will always be remembered! Thanks Latu....and Happy 8th Birthday pretty little Lile!
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