Seatbelts

Today, I went to get in my car and could tell my mom had been in it. The seat was forward a good 4 inches, and the drivers side seatbelt was as far down as it would go. The seat bothers me less than the seatbelt; I can drive with the seat a lot farther up than I usually do, I just don't like it.

The seatbelt is another matter. I am extremely claustrophobic, especially when it comes to seat belts. I do not like my movements being restricted. Even just the half-second it took to raise the seatbelt made me anxious. I had to twist my body to fit under it, for Pete's sake!

A long time ago-probably 8 years-I was driving back from a funeral in New Mexico. I was with my Auntie Pam and a few of her children, including my cousin Jenna. Pam and one of my other cousins were in the front seat, discussing babies and when they felt like the best time to bathe them was. (The consensus was the morning, there's nothing nastier than the smell of baby pee that has sat in a diaper all night)

I inadvertantly extended the seatbelt all the way, and slowly the seat belt had become tighter over the past few miles. I started panicking and every rational thought left my mind. The conversation faded and I began trying to get out of the seatbelt, which only made it tighter. At this point, it was actually squeezing me and I was trying to control my breathing. The last conversation I wanted to have was with my sweet Auntie about how she gave me a ride home from the funeral and I went and got stuck in her car.

I knew in that very moment that I would die in that seatbelt. I tried squeezing my upper body out of it, but my head wouldn't fit. If only I had been flexible enough to contort my body to freedom!

I am pretty sure I was probably starting to panic noticeably by then. My cousin Jenna looked over and asked what I was doing. I was mortified that I had to tell her I was stuck forever in the seatbelt, but I did on the off chance that she would have scissors to cut me out of it.

In less than two seconds, Jenna reached over, pushed the release button on the seat belt, and released me from my prison.

As soon as she had done it, I felt retarded. I couldn't believe that I was really that panicked about the seatbelt. But I was more annoyed that the thought had never occurred to me that I could unbuckle it myself. That's usually how life works. We get caught up in our own drama and need an outside source to step in and be the voice of reason.

Even though I bet she doesn't remember that story, I am forever indebted to my cousin Jenna for releasing me from the prison of my own making :)

Britax gushing!

It's a well-known fact that I obsess about some (ok, a lot of) things. Britax car seats are one of them. I feel strongly that car seats should be well-built and engineered (no Made in China stickers here) and that they should be Britax. No other options. My sisters have been less on board with this idea in the past, but gratefully, they have both humored me in this obsession.

Well, the other day, Talia fell on the ice while walking with her darling baby boy in his car seat. The car seat tumbled through the air and sidewalk, and she was mortified. She was convinced that her baby was injured or had whiplash or was dead, because he was not responding the way she envisioned. Instead of being hysterical like she was, the baby was happy as a clam, a direct result of the True Side Impact Protection that the Britax Companion had (and incidentally, we had fought about whether the car seat even needed) The end story is this: The "accident" could have been a real one, and we are both happy as clams that it wasn't. But it makes me sleep just a little better when I remember that my nieces and nephews are riding in the best car seats money can buy.

That being said, go here and enter to win a Frontier, Britax's most awesome harnessed booster seat!

For another post, another day: The benefits of Rear-Facing car seats. Please watch the entire thing. It will change all your excitement and eagerness to turn your baby's car seat around the moment they turn 1.

Breathe, and I'll carry you away

Home among these mountain tops
Can be so awfully dull, a thousand miles from the tide

Like I said in my last post, I adore Owl City. The title and lines above are both from their song On The Wing. The thing I love the most about Owl City is that the words explain so perfectly emotions that I (and I am sure you) have felt. It is pure poetry, and I love it.

This song has hit close to home lately because I have contemplated that exact sentiment; Living in Utah, among the mountaintops is pretty dull, and it's for sure miles and miles from the Ocean, which I honestly feel like is part of my heritage. I cannot be without the water. I live here because it's what I know and it's where my family is. That's crap justification if you ask me.

I want to travel. I always have. I think it's something most people secretly wish for, and something that they leave for "someday" Well, someday never comes. I feel strongly that just because I was plopped down in the middle of Orem, Utah, does not mean that I must stay here forever, or even that this has to be my future. I want to travel the world. I want to go around the entire Earth and find the one place I love the most, and then stay forever.

I went to Australia, almost exactly on the other side of the world. I saw some amazing things and I loved it. It makes me wonder what else the world has to offer. There are billions of people here, and even more places to see. I want to see them. I don't care if Google Earth has street view that is pretty realistic. I don't care that I'm not going to be the first person ever to look at the things I see. I just want to see it first-hand. I want to experience it all. That way, when I am ready to settle down, I can be confident that the place I have chosen is the one place in the world that I want to be.

Or maybe I'm not ready to settle down because I'm not sure what exactly I'd be settling for here in Orem, Utah...

A Wonderful Christmas Time

It does not feel like Christmas. I have completely been in denial about Christmas approaching until BANG! It's here. I am not sure how I feel about it, but I am typing this first blog post on my new laptop that Santa brought me. That's gotta mean something, right?

I am listening to Saltwater Room, by Owl City, and I must admit it is my new favorite song. I bought the entire album because I adore this song.

With your ear to a seashell, you can hear the waves in underwater caves as if you actually were inside a saltwater room.

I love listening to seashells. I remember doing it as a child, which means it is pretty awesome now. Things I did when I was little tend to be awesome. For a while, I insisted on being called Spotted White Deer. I knew I was part Navajo and Paiute, and I for sure looked like I was Indian, so I decided my name would be Spotted White Deer after an Indian girl I saw in a coffee table book.

I still think about myself as Spotted White Deer sometimes. It makes more sense than I ever knew when I was little. I have pretty white skin, Freckles (which I found out this summer were actually moles...) and I prance around on my toes, similar to a deer. Awesome?? I think so :)

Clarity

(Disclaimer: This is a pretty disjointed, jumbled, post... Read at your own risk!)

Well, this past week has been an awesome one!! It's been a week since I've worked, and I absolutely LOVE it! Tomorrow, I am headed in to work to sub... (have I mentioned that I have been substitute teaching for PE at my work?) so I figure I will play the catch-up game on my blog because this week has been kind of awesome.

Thanksgiving day was a special day for my Grandma, Jenna Lee. It's a day that should be full of family, but more importantly, the day that marks the treaty. What treaty? You may ask. The treaty that regulates the playing of Christmas Music. If allowed, my Grandma would have listened to Christmas music all year round, but Grandpa installed the limits of Thanksgiving to New Years.

Those are the blessed weeks, where Christmas music would be blasting from every available speaker, and Grandma's house would transform into a winter-wonderland. She enjoyed so much decorating her house and knew where every item should go and which way it should face. She was full of Christmas spirit, and helped us to love the Christmas season too. It offended her when Christmas cards would say Season's Greetings or Happy Holidays, because Christmas should be the focus.

This week, I've thought a lot. Some about my Grandma, some about my life, some about nothing at all, and a lot about me. I took an impulsive trip to Vegas with my cousin, Dara. It was wonderful. There's a lot to be said for a long drive and space... Sometimes, I need both. I am easily irritated, and have a strong need for personal space. So, I take drives.

Sometimes, the drives are just to the store and back with my music blasting. Sometimes, they are up through Provo Canyon and out further up or down the Wasatch front. Sometimes, they are to Vegas. Wherever the destination, they are cleansing for me. It is a time where I am able to gain some clarity. To get away from the clouds and fog of my every-day life and just be alone with nothing but my thoughts for company. I love it. I live for my drives.

My Grandma took drives, too. It's just another reminder, in this Christmas season that does nothing but remind me of her, that we are kindred spirits.

Thanksgiving

Wow, Thanksgiving really creeped up on me this year. I will get extremely emotional about EVERYTHING thanksgiving-related if I allow myself. It is really one of my favorite holidays (I guess there are not that many to choose from, but you know what I mean!) and it reminds me the most of my dear Grandma Jenna Lee.

For today, my short list of THANKS:

LDSJournal. My Grandma Nellie faithfully kept a thorough Life Story for herself and husband all of her years. It is a blessing to us, her posterity, to be able to read and learn more about the amazing woman that was our Great Grandmother. LDSJournal helps me be more like my Grandma Nellie and gives me a good and easy way to journal with a purpose.

Google Profiles. (Mine is here) I had second thoughts about doing it, but after I Googled myself and saw all sorts of weird stuff, including things I tweeted, I figured I at least wanted to be a little in charge of how much info people could find.

My Family. Not only the ones here with me now, but the countless generations of ancestors I have. People who lived their lives and went about their business just like myself. They had thoughts, emotions, lives of their own. They were passionate about things, had religious convictions, loved, felt heartache and were basically the same as me.It's easy to read or hear about stories and let it die there. It's amazing to me that my ancestors were so REAL. Without knowing it, they were paving the way for me to become the person I am today. Choices they made in their lives affected not only them and their immediate families, but me any MY family. I get super overwhelmed when I think too much about it, but I am infinitely grateful for my Family, and for the ancestors that paved the way for me to become me.

Music. For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads D&C 25:12. There is just something about music that speaks to my soul. It's nice to know that the Lord feels the same way.

Heaters. I am not sure I need to expound, but they're really useful (to take a line from Thomas the Tank Engine)

My Car. It's nice to have reliable transportation and to be able to get places I need to go.

My nephews and the Princess. I am so grateful for these kids' presence in my life. They are a blessing beyond anything I can describe. They are a grounding force in my life and my calming influence. Without even knowing it, they brighten any day they are in. They are a handful a lot, but I cannot even express how much joy they bring into my life. They are the perfect balance for work (which leaves me not ever wanting children) They remind me of the joys and countless blessings that come from motherhood.

When the Music Stops

...It's all on us.

That's a quote from The Cleaner. I love that show mainly because it always starts (or ends) with a monologue from Benjamin Bratt's character.

I think that quote is one part of being a "grown up" that scares me. There is no longer anyone else to blame or take any responsibility for my life. I tend to get bored and make rash decisions just to kill the boredom.

I started looking for nanny jobs about two months ago. I had quite a few interested people, some close and some far. It was basically a repeat of the last time I looked for a nanny job with one exception: I was dragging my feet big time.

At the time, I didn't really want to admit it, but I knew this was one of those instances. The kind where I would not be able to make a rash decision and still end up on top. I knew that no matter what nanny job I took, I would reach this same point eventually. The point where I get restless and get an insatiable desire to wander.

It always plays out the same way. I get bored, change things up a bit (or a lot!) and then end up bored again. It's a never-ending cycle.

On a completely unrelated note: I adore the song Fireflies by Owl City. It annoyed me at first, just because it was all weird and techno-like, but after I really listened to the words, I fell in love. I love the camaraderie that comes from a song that explains your feelings so well. It's always nice realizing that a complete stranger, who probably does not have much in common with you or the same life experiences, can still understand (and more importantly, describe) your emotions. Anywho, just some thoughts on my day!