after my last post, i realized the following might be helpful to post :)
when a major event in my life happens, i feel this urge to throw it out to the world. it is part of my processing. i just can't process things fully without making some sort of announcement, usually on my blog. maybe some would call me an attention whore, or an exhibitionist.
i don't think those terms really encompass it.
you see, i do it alone, too. sometimes, i will stress out about a conversation i had, or one i am dreading having, or a completely made up one. i obsess about it, and go over the conversation again and again in my head. after i've gone over it way too many times in my head, i will say it out loud. not very loud, just to myself, and usually just a line or two. i have to be careful if i am around other people; they usually think i am an idiot, or pester me to tell them "the rest" of the conversation. i rarely tell them, because that sounds even more crazy than just plain talking to myself.
it is not the act of people reading these thoughts that drives me to post them on my blog. it is the ability to do so that intrigues me. if no one read my blog (and who knows, they might not) i am not sure i would care much. if i was not able to post my thoughts to the world, though. that would be a different story. maybe i'm just another in that group of adolescents/young adults (like how i called myself young? haha) that thinks the world should be enthralled with my every thought and deed. maybe i'm just a little crazy. maybe it doesn't matter much either way.
this post is a good example of me obsessing about things and needing to throw them out to the universe. i am posting this on my private blog for now, but i know there will come a time when i post it on my public blog. there is just not enough exposure for me to feel validated when i post it on my private blog. in fact, a lot of my blog posts start out as private posts, and get moved over to the public's eye. now you're all going to wonder which posts i did not initially deem appropriate for the public. sorry. beyond this one, i am not sure you'll ever know!
i don't know what it is. i am sure a psychologist would have a heyday diagnosing all my many issues. i just want to embrace the crazy for now!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
throw it all to the wind
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1 comments:
Thanks for this post, I enjoy your blog so much for posts like this. I think everybody can relate to some aspect of it.
I just read the post below as well - I never knew your dad was stranded - I'm so glad everything was ok!!
On a sidenote, I remember as kids, Vili (Jr.) and I telling each other all kinds of things about our dads that weren't true (superhuman things like "My dad can throw a pizza in the fan and all the pieces fall down in perfect triangle pieces on everybody's plate!", then the next person would say, "Oh yeah, well MY dad..."). One of the ones Vili used to say is "My dad can climb to the top of that coconut tree with scissors in his toes!" I guess he may have been telling the truth after your story about the machete and the coconut tree! =)
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