sickness!!

so, i got strep throat. i have had it before, but o.m.g. this thing kicked my trash this time. i actually forced my sister to take pics of my huge tonsils. i'll email them if you like! but forewarning, they're soooo gross.

i really felt pretty cocky when i first got sick. and seriously, if you have ever had strep, and it's been bad, i judged you. i thought you had to be weak, or a wimp, or something. i did not think a sore throat could bring you down. now, after fever, chills, dizzy spells, body aches, blacking out, tonsillitis, vomiting, migraines, being unable to drink water without excruciating pain, getting sicker after taking medicine, and four days straight in bed unable to sleep, i am remembering how hard it is to humble my stubborn self.

i am sorry if i ever judged you or your sickness. honestly, i have learned a lesson, and i am sure the lesson is not over. my throat still hurts, i still have had headaches all day, i am still dizzy, i am sure that yeast infections are on their way from all the blessed antibiotics, and i cannot imagine what else. i think the biggest thing is that i don't want to imagine.

this post is short and disjointed, but i wanted to share. i really do feel bad for judging you.

My Daddy

well, i know that i have posted quite a lot about him, but i saw this picture, and just had stuff to say about my daddy.

this picture makes me sad.

this is my daddy's hand. this year, he spent his winter indoors, playing cards to keep himself entertained. this past winter was not easy on his health, and it made me personally grateful that he is still in my daily, mortal life. as a child and even a youth, i took for granted the amazing man he is. he is a link to my past, a member of the oldest surviving generation of our family. all of his predecessors have preceded him in death, and he is my last link to my tongan heritage.

i remember being young and complaining when we had to go to work with my dad and brothers. i did not like getting dirty, and i for sure did not like being bossed around. working with my dad entailed both. now, as i am older and gaining more insight, i wish i had appreciated the time with my dad more.

my father is a craftsman. the product of his hands was art. these hands once created amazing work; they supported his family and taught his children the value of hard labor. they inspired others to follow in his footsteps, and made his work seem easy. my father spent his life outdoors, whether as a child fishing and working on boats, or as an adult, laboring to provide for his family. his life was lived in the fresh air, coming indoors only to sleep and sometimes eat.

now that working outdoors is no longer an option for him, he is relegated to spending his time indoors, attempting to occupy his mind. playing cards filled the void for him this winter and i am grateful for that, but i can see the desire to be outside creeping up on him.

it's coming up on summer, which for my daddy means fishing. i worry a lot about him when he goes fishing. it's rare that i can get him to bring his phone with him, and i don't like the thought of him not being able to call for help. but it's so wonderful to see him happy. he does not look or seem like such a frail old man when he's able to go out and fish. for him, it's his birthright, and life to be outdoors.

i know that the day when my daddy will leave this mortal life is approaching. i pray that when that day comes, he is able to spend it outdoors, surrounded by his family--the two great loves of his life.