phones in pipes

so, today i am sitting in the exact same room as i was when i started this blog just about 4 years ago.typing on the exact same computer. i had watched the slow, sad decline that is leukemia and it culminated in my grandmother's death. pretty sad setting for this post, right? well it's not all going to be sad. at least, i don't think so. my grandma was not a sad person. she was full of life and happiness and jokes. oh, she was full of jokes. but she was also full of words. i know i've talked about her newsletter before, but man, that woman could express herself! i have a blog that i struggle to post on monthly, and she pumped out 6 page newsletters every week.

it was an awesome time to be in my family. we all knew the intimate details of one another's lives and we were closer as a family for it. i know that every family slowly shifts apart as more generations are added, focuses change, etc. but, it is sad for me to see it with my own! it seems like just yesterday we were getting together for family reunions, my sister (the first granddaughter to marry) was getting married, we had just one or two in-laws at the family functions. today, i only have two uncles who are not grandparents (one of them doesn't have kids, so i don't know if i should even count him) don't get me wrong; i love the in-laws! they make all the adorable chicklets running around possible. but, i also miss the days when we were able to be closer, when our relationships were the tender ones that needed to be nurtured. i miss the newsletters. maybe i just miss my grandma.

tonight, my grandpa asked me to type something up for him. usually, this was my grandmother's task. she would get instructions from him and come into the computer room and furiously type away until she got it done. she was such a cute secretary and grandma. there are a lot of times when i find myself feeling sorry for my cute grandpa. usually in our family, it's the man who goes first. we're a family of many generations of widows. i guess leukemia had it's own opinion about that.

anywho, as i sit here, dead tired from all the pre-4th of july festivities, i can't help but imagine what it would be like if grandma was here. i am sure i would be in the kitchen, chatting with her and getting advice about my life. the dishwasher (or dishwarsher if grandma was saying it) would be running in the background. i would be joined by cousins and maybe an aunt or two. maybe we'd be singing the kids to sleep while she accompanies on the piano. she'd be one of my speed dials, always ready when i need to talk. she'd congratulate me for taking my pills faithfully every day and encourage me to be more outgoing. i would be sitting with her in the computer room, content to just sit while she types something important for my grandpa.

a lot of things would be different if my grandma were still alive. i've been told to get over it before. told that it is time to move on, too much time has passed. i have a lot of choice words for the person who said that. that woman was more than just the woman who gave birth to my mother. she was amazing. i really don't think you can possibly grasp how much she meant to me. tonight, i just miss my grandma.