say it louder!

this summer, i remember one sunday where i was sitting in sacrament meeting at church with masey. he was being loud and disruptive. i whispered some sort of bribe in his ear. i'm sure it went something like if you're quiet, i will give you candy after church. well, mason did not care for the bribe. he continued on, ignoring that i had said anything to him. a few seconds later, i whispered a higher-level bribe. probably something like if you're quiet during church, i'll buy you a train. again, it was ignored. i tried the trump bribe, if you are quiet we will go to auntie lia's house after church. this got a response, but not the one i wanted.


say it louder! mason said.
you need to whisper in church, i reminded him.
say it louder! was his reply, but this time he was full-on yelling, and turned to look at me.
you'd better whisper in church or i'm going to throw away all your trains. was my reply.

the reply that got was sobbing. i ended up taking him out of sacrament meeting because he was being so loud. i had to console him that no, i wouldn't really throw away all his trains. we didn't make it back into sacrament that day, and i walked away from the situation extremely annoyed with masey. i was so happy to hand him off to his mom.

a few weeks later, we found out that masey is profoundly deaf in his right ear. the ear i was whispering in. the ear i got so angry he did not respond to me from. i felt like a horrible person for being so mad at him for something he couldn't help. the moment i was told about him being deaf, i immediately thought of the incident in church. it made such great sense now.

halloween day found me having just played a rugby game. (i guess i should call it mormon halloween. it was the day before halloween, which fell on a sunday this year) pene had left to take care of her calling, and it was my job to get masey ready for the trunk-or-treat. i thought it would be simple, he was so excited to wear his iron man costume. but he refused. flat-out, throw-a-tantrum, screaming and yelling refused. he said he was too tired, and too sick to go. over and over, but i continued to push it and refused to listen. eventually, at the direction of my mom, i left him alone and walked away from the situation.

4 days later, masey went in for an mri that would change his life forever. suddenly, like that fateful sunday, the happenings on halloween made sense. masey had a brain tumor. all of these symptoms made sense. the guilt i feel, knowing that i gave him such a hard time for stuff he couldn't help is sometimes unbearable. the only bright point is that masey does not remember either day. luckily for me, i am still his auntie latu and i can do no wrong.