Let's try a Benjamin

Well, I have seen this on a lot of blogs, and I am rather bored today, so here goes.

1. I have two jobs.
2. I hate having two jobs but will not quit either.
3. I like each for its own reasons, and they are a good balance for each other
4. I call my nephew "brown boy" not because he is brown, but because my other nephew called him brown (versus himself who is "black").
5. I have to stop myself from saying it in public because I don't want people to think I'm some skinhead racist.
6. Some days, I can be guilted into doing anything.
7. Other days, you can beg for hours and not change my mind
8. When I was 12, my older sister got married
9. I was the youngest one in her line
10. I was also the tallest
11. It messed with my mind for a while
12. Now, I'm almost twice that age
13. And I work at a junior high
14. It almost seems like some sick kind of regression
15. I track kids' attendance at the Junior High
16. I have conversations with them about how important it is to attend every class
17. I make them promise to go to their classes and get upset when they don't
18. I feel like a hypocrite because you couldn't pay me to go to class in school
19. I hope some of them take it seriously
20. I know from experience most of them will not
21. I hated our High School tracker.
22. I swore she was racist
23. I would have sworn on a bible that she only yelled at the brown kids
24. Now, the kids swear I am racist.
25. Karma's a b****
26. I am pretty certain most days that I could do a better job than everyone else.
27. It doesn't matter what job it is
28. I refuse to put my wipers on high, even if I need it
29. I guess I would rather die than look like a spaz
30. My nephew has really bad asthma
31. He throws up if he runs or plays too much
32. The thought of it happening in public is enough to make my OCD mind go crazy
33. I read a book about OCD the other week
34. Partway through it, I tried to convince myself I had OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder)
35. It's a lot the same, only not as bad
36. More like personality quirks than crazyness
37. Sadly, I am definitely crazy
38. It's nice pretending they are just personality quirks
39. I am incredibly vain about my hair
40. It does not matter how nice yours is; my hair is better
41. I adore the color of my hair
42. Really. It's got tons of natural highlights in the summer
43. My hair lightening is more incentive to be outside than getting tan
44. Bodies of water fascinate me-I love them.
45. I am terrified of what is below you in open water
46. Sometimes, I even get scared of sharks in the deep end of the pool
47. If I'm not careful, I have to talk myself down from a panic attack in the pool.
48. The first time I water skied, no one told me to let go if I didn't get up
49. I held on for a good 5 seconds before the force of the water nearly drowned me
50. Everyone but me thought it was hilarious
51. I am probably the only one who still remembers it
52. But I think it's hilarious now, too
53. I got peed on by a dog last summer
54. Warm pee dripping down my hip was the nastiest feeling ever.
55. Another one of those times when everyone but me thought it was hilarious
56. I am able to laugh about it now
57. When I let myself, I become more crazy than normal
58. It's a nice coping skill
59. I can physically feel the tension melt off when I am doing something OCD
60. Alphabetizing, re-ordering, counting, cleaning. Anything works
61. I made a quilt for a baby shower last week
62. I was quite proud of it
63. In fact, I thought it was a lot better than one someone else brought
64. She doesn't know this, but I won.
65. I basically never comment on people's blogs
66. If a post of mine does not have a comment, I wonder if it is horrible
67. I contemplate deleting the post
68. I have to talk myself out of it several times
69. Then I remember "It's not me, it's the OCD"
70. And my universe re-centers itself
71. But I still don't comment on other peoples blogs
72. Double standard, I know
73. I peed my pants in the 4th grade.
74. My mom was working, so my friend's mom brought me clothes
75. I am not sure which was more embarrassing to me, my teacher and the office lady finding out, or my friend's mom
76. Sometimes, I wonder if she remembers and thinks I'm gross
77. I am terrified to drive next to bicycles on the road
78. I just imagine them toppling over into my lane
79. I hate CFL light bulbs and refuse to use them
80. I don't necessarily hate the environment.
81. I just hate that they are so dim right at first
82. Dim just doesn't cut it. Sometimes, I need light right then
83. When I was in Mutual, my Young Women leaders were all within the ages of 19-24.
84. I learned more about sex (and their sex lives) from them than anyone or anything else to that point
85. I adored Mutual for the most part
86. It helped that there were a high of 10 girls ever
87. Girls camp was the best
88. This past summer (and the one coming up) was the first summer since I was 12 that I did not go to camp
89. I really like being in charge
90. Not necessarily to power trip
91. More just knowing I'm in charge
92. Someone else who is in charge can make exactly the same decision I would but it feels a lot better knowing it came from me
93. It's the same with driving
94. I hate being behind a car, even if they are going the same speed I am
95. Knowing that I could not speed up if I wanted drives me crazy.
96. Without fail, I speed up and pass the car
97. Only to then go the exact same speed I was
98. It is unacceptable if said car attempts to speed up and pass me
99. This number is lower than the MPH that I am willing to go to prevent said car from passing me
100. I'm crazy. I know. I am still trying to convince myself they're just personality quirks!

Wow, 100 seemed like a pretty big number when I started. I guess time flies when you are having fun AND when you are talking about yourself. :)

In the still of the night...

The other night, I walked outside, and could not help but feel something eerily creepy about the night. I thought it might be that I had just watched the Ring the night before, and was still a little scared from it but that was not it. I could not pinpoint what was creepy about that night until last night. Last night was a normal, beautiful night (hopefully also the beginnings of spring). Nothing seemed odd, and everything seemed in its place.

It was then that I realized that nights without wind are eerie.

I can't imagine what could be romantic about the still of the night to inspire the song, but it's apparent from the song that not everyone agrees with me. A completely still day does not phase me. It's just as normal as a breezy day. A completely still night on the other hand, is disconcerting.

In general, I think the world (day, or night with wind :) is such a wonderfully beautiful place. It is hard for me to look at a flower and not be awed by the omnipotent God that made it. The more I grow and learn about our world and its intricacies, the more convinced I am of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am blessed to live in a truly beautiful and choice land. Sure, there are prettier mountains out there. Prettier deserts, prettier lakes and rivers, more gorgeous fall leaves, but I like the ones here best.

There was a time when the only thing keeping me in Utah was my family. Yup, you heard me! My family. I am a self-professed homebody (though I don't think anyone will disagree) In my years here, I have actually grown to really appreciate and love Utah. Sure, the people drive me insane sometimes, and I am not sure I want my kids to grow up here. However, I think it is probably a case of blooming where you are planted more than anything else. Sure, I might be the weed popping out of nowhere-a nuisance to all involved, but at least I am blooming :)



Professing my love of Utah is not what I intended with this post, but just as with life, the post takes you unexpected places. Working two full-time jobs and still not done with school is not where I intended my life to be, but welcome! This is where I'm at!