Monday, September 24, 2007


I have major trust issues. I used to think it was only with men, but now I am beginning to think that one of two things is really going on:

Option 1: I have trust issues with everyone, male and female.
Option 2: It's easier to keep people at arms length than risk getting hurt.

Actually, now that I see them written out, I think it's both.

I do not go out looking for friends. If people want to be around me, they're more than welcome to do so, but I'm not going to go out of my way to be around them. Sometimes I tell myself it's just because I don't need friends; I'm content. The truth is that I do need friends, a LOT. It's just a lot easier to deal with having no friends than it is to deal with the fact that my friends could possibly hurt me.

So, I'm pretty much a master bridge burner. I make friends, get to really like them, realize I'm getting attached, and freak out. Now, it's time to not return calls, texts, or emails for months on end, hoping they take the hint. If that doesn't work, It's time to make plans with them and break them. Usually, it only takes one or two times to work.

It's only the people who make it past my evasion maneuvers that eventually get calls back and real plans with me. It's these people that I secretly thank my Father in Heaven for. They've earned the right to my friendship. It's those friends that are the real keepers. So, to all my patient, kind friends out there: Thanks.


Holo said...

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts or measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away. George Elliot

Holo said...

The worst solitude is to be destitute of sincere friendship” Sir Francis Bacon

For without friends no one would chose to live, though he had all other goods. Aristotle

Friendships rarely happen by chance: one must cultivate them as assiduously as one must cultivate a job or a family. Mihaly Csikszentmihaly.

Holo said...

Love ya Latu. Come and see us! Curt