thirty is the new 20

list 10 things you would hope to be remembered for

i would hope first of all to be remembered as loving. i love so deeply for people, but i am really bad at sharing my love, or expressing my love. this is something i want to work on, so i hope that when my time comes, my family remembers me as loving. i hope that, if they remember nothing else, it is that i love them.

i hope to be remembered as patient. i almost hate to say it, because the only way i know to learn patience is
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waiting and "longsuffering". but, i have innate patience with some stuff. i hope to be able to improve it more and build my patience. at the same time, i hope to build my patience without ever having it tested, and i hope to be allowed to pick and choose the patience building exercises i am given. :)

i want to be remembered as full of life and fun. i want to always be young at heart and never lose the desire to have fun. as a rickety, nearing-the-grave 26 year old, i sometimes forget to stop and have fun. i want to always have fun. i don't care how old i am, life is not really worth living if it is no fun!

i want to be remembered as the crazy aunt/mom/wife who traveled the world. i don't want to be remembered as the one who traveled once upon a time, but the traveler. the one who has already been there, who you ask advice about restaurants and hotels and currency. the one who can share her knowledge with all around her. the one with a lifetime full of stories, and not enough lifetimes to tell them all. the one who can interject "once, in bali" into any conversation, and people listen cause she's legit. she's literally been around the world.

i want to be remembered as faithful. i want to be remembered as an example of the believers. one who knows with a surety and who constantly acts on her knowledge and who raises righteous sons and daughters who know with the same surety. 

this one is similar, but not entirely the same. i want to be remembered as Christ-like. i want to be remembered as a disciple of Christ, a true follower. one who emulated Christ in everything i could, from my thoughts to my actions.

i want to be remembered as intelligent. not just book smart. not just street smart. but intelligent. i am not sure exactly how to define intelligent so it makes sense, but to me intelligence is more than smart. it is more than knowledge, but it is the reasoning and judgement and intuition as well. intelligence is also acceptance and open-mindedness; not just a knowledge of facts and figures. it is knowledge + wisdom. i think that's a good way to put it.

i want to be remembered as trustworthy. someone who does what she says and says what she does. someone with follow through, not the flaky friend who always falls through at the last minute. (maybe that's me now. what of it??)

i want to be remembered for my confidence and my self worth. i think those two things are very tangible parts of a person, and others can sense them.

i guess more than anything, i just want to be remembered. it kind of goes along with what i think is most misunderstood about me but i want people to remember me. preferably, who i really am. but, i will take any kind of remembrance over forgetting.

as i near the 5 year blogiversary of my blog, this last one has been on my mind a lot. in the beginning, i blogged because i had so many emotions about my grandma dying that i needed to throw them out to the world. some small part of me hoped that the world would catch them, and somewhere out there, one person sharing this planet with me would say "aah, i understand". some part of me hoped to find a kindred spirit; someone who understood exactly what it is like to be latu. exactly why my life has led me to where i am today.

another part of me hoped that the world would catch my words and spit them back. it hoped that the personal words, feelings and experiences i was writing about would just stay around me, huddled together in a mass that made up my world. for no one's eyes but mine. it hoped that my personal thoughts would stay that; personal.

throughout the 5 years i have had this blog, the level of personal thoughts i share has fluctuated. sometimes, my bluntness surprises me and i remove an entry. i allow it to sit in the limbo that is the draft folder until the rest of forever. safely tucked away from the wandering eyes of the world. sometimes, i throw it all out to the world, and watch from the crack in my fingers with bated breath, waiting for the world's reaction. it is never as dramatic as i hope for.

the bottom line is that this blog will live on for a long time. maybe beyond the point where blogger exists. maybe beyond the internet. this blog has been my outlet for the past 5 years, and now that i have gone blog, i won't go back (that line sounded a lot funnier in my mind, haha)

twenty nine, one more till the big 3-0

what do you think people misunderstand most about you?

omg, definitely my motives. usually, i have good motives, or at least not evil ones. i am usually trying my best, and if i am rude, i do not mean to. if i offend you, i do not mean to. this one is so hard to explain because i play it off a lot like i don't care if i am rude, but the truth is that i do. i am harder on myself than anyone else can be, so it really disappoints me when i am rude or when i hurt someone. even if i am mad at you, i hate when i am mean to people. (i think i talked once before about my inability to stay mad)

but, i am getting off subject. i feel like people generally misinterpret my motives. whether for bad or good, they usually do not get it. a lot of times, it is frustrating for me to try to explain them, and so i don't, but it sucks being misunderstood. especially when my silence often backs up whatever the other person already thinks is truth.

the bottom lines is that for the most part, my motives and intentions are pure. even if they bite me in the butt or they don't pan out the way i thought they would, my heart is pure. please trust that and don't make assumptions.

Twenty eight in two years

What is your love language?

My love language is... I can't remember, haha. I am going to go take the quiz again.

Quality time and words of affirmation (plus one more but I forgot what...) All three were tied. I think like the rest of my life, I am indecisive, haha.

Next year I will be twenty seven

What is your favorite part of your body and why?

My favorite part of my body is my hair. I looove my hair color, my hair thickness, my hair health. I just looove all of it. I looove that my hair grows fast and that it bleaches itself in the sun. I just super love my hair.

I am currently twenty six

What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

I think the world in general misunderstands entitlement. You are entitled to your own opinion just like I am. You are entitled to choose your actions just like I am. This does not mean that you get to choose the consequences of your actions. Society or nature does that. You are entitled to be treated with dignity and respect. You are not entitled to happiness or a life without effort. You are not entitled to special treatment. You are not entitled to money or possessions or much else in this world. I feel like the world misunderstands this concept a lot. I also see us, as a society, teaching our children that they are entitled to many of these things.  In my mind, it sets them up for failure.

Twenty five year olds can rent cars

If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

I would have dinner with my grandma Jenna Lee. Hands down. I would spend all night talking to her, getting advice, etc. Just being with her like I used to. I don't even care what we eat, maybe one of her sunday night roasts with all the trimmings. Maybe a picnic with all her cute little fly covers and handy, one-purpose  utensils. It would be a great meal.

my sister turns twenty four this month

describe the family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now

when i was younger, my family was split into two groups, the older kids and the little girls. the little girls were distinctly separate from the rest of the family. nowadays, the family dynamic has less to do with age and more to do with personalities. i am pretty sure that all of us siblings like darl the most; he is a uniting force in our family :) i think the biggest change is that we are now all adults (minus darl, of course) and there is less division by age. we do things together and get along a lot better than we ever did as kids. which is nice, because now we spend time together because we want to, not just because we are forced to. i think another big dynamic that is changed is that my mom is back to working, and my dad is not.

this post is kinda disjointed, but i am just really into wrath of the titans right now, haha

twenty three...a.k.a. three years ago

list your top 5 hobbies and why you love them

first things first. i looove to read. i love to get out of the world, and escape into a make believe world. i love how effortless it is to pop into another place.

t.v. i love tv for a lot of the same reasons i love to read. it is effortless to jump into the world of a movie or tv show. it does not take much, and you can focus on the drama and storyline of the show, rather than your own :)

driving. i love to drive. it is a huge stress reliever for me. i love to be alone, blasting music and driving. it is mindless and a time when i can really clear my head. driving is awesome.

swimming. whether it is at a pool, lake, river or the ocean, i looove swimming. i was always a water baby, and i just love to be in the water. i don't like tons of toys or games, i just like sitting in water. my body was made for water, and my sanity requires it.

rugby. this is not a hobby i've done in a while, but i adore rugby. i love that i can go 100% and tackle the crap out of people. it is such a great stress reliever! :)

double deuce

where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

in 5 years, i will be 31. i see myself done with school by that time. any time i go to school after that will be purely for fun or enrichment. i imagine myself married, and i definitely see myself traveling a lot. maybe a rtw (around the world) trip, maybe living out of the country. i see myself in 5 years a seasoned traveler.

in 10 years, i hope to still be traveling. in 10 years, i want traveling to become a lifestyle, not just a hobby. i want to get through my travel bucket list in the next 10 years, and start just seeing the world. i see myself with a kid or two in 10 years. traveling with them, showing them the world.

in 15 years, i see myself settling down in the one place on earth i have found that i love the most. i am sure there is a place out there; i want to see the entire world so i can choose where to spend the rest of my life. i could not choose where i was born (though america is an awesome place to be born and has blessed my life a ton) but i can mos def choose where i live. i see myself finding that place in the next 15 years.

twenty one is when you can drink. drinking is dumb, though

if you could have one super power, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

if i could have one super power and i was choosing the coolest one, it would be flight or the ability to teleport. it would be so awesome to drop into paris for lunch today, or to pop on over to hawaii to lay out. it would be so useful to pop out of a dangerous situation or pop into an interesting one. the first thing i would do is go to hawaii for the afternoon. i would just sit on the beach and relax until this evening when i have to go into work.

realistically, though, the super power i would pick would be super hearing, the ability to be invisible, or reading minds. anything that would allow me to be nosy! that would be my true pick. i just really love being able to know everything.

twenty years is one score

describe three significant memories from your childhood
i have talked about one of my most significant memories before: i  have a vivid mental picture of our house in salt lake; it's night time, and we are eating dinner. we were having chicken, rice, and corn from a can. nothing too fancy. just fried chicken, sticky rice, and corn. i don't remember much beyond that, except that my older siblings were there, and i colored a picture, maybe a poster. i also remember a man there, who i'm assuming was probably my cousin tui, babysat us a lot. we were waiting for my brand new baby sister to be born. it is my first/only memory before pene was born. she is a part of every other memory of my life, this one is significant because it predates (barely) her arrival on earth.

another memory i have is driving around in my grandma's convertible with the top down with one of my uncles. i cannot remember if it was jason or chris, but one of them got the assignment to drive me around because i had some sort of rash/infection on my face and the air was the only thing that helped it. so we drove for hours. those hours were the only time i did not want to peel off my skin by hand. i remember i had just found out my rash had been misdiagnosed, thus it had been mistreated. i do not remember to this day what it really was, but they thought it was impetigo. while we were driving, my uncle took me to the marine base (we had a religious pass because my grandpa was a bishop) we drove around until we saw flashing lights on the mountainside. my uncle told me those were to attract ufos to the island, and i believed him. little did i know they were just warnings to incoming aircraft that there was a huge, hulking mountain there.

another memory i have is playing doctor in the closet with my friend josh, and subsequently getting caught by our older sisters. i guess we thought the door being closed meant no one could hear us, even though the doors were louvered doors :)

nineteen is the age for a missionary

if you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

ok, i understand that i am about to out myself as an uber geek, but i just am not sure how much i care at this point.

if i could live anywhere, it would be middle earth. there, i said it. i would go to tolkien's wonderland, his universe of fictional places. i would go there, love it there, be there forever. i would live in rohan, maybe somewhere in the white mountains. i could handle gondor after the king returned. i would be an elf. i would live in valinor or in the grey havens. i would live in the misty mountains or mirkwood. i would loooove the shire, rivendell, lothlorien. there are just so many places i would go. so many places i would live in. so many lives i could live in that world.

when i was in high school, i found a role playing website dedicated to tolkien. it is http://www.lotrplaza.com. that site was my haven. in it, i took on the character sethiel, and did with her what i pleased (wow, sounds dirty or weird. i just made up a back story about her. she was a rider from rohan, and she was everything i was not). it was (and continues to be) the geekiest thing i had ever done. but i happily lost my real life in the shadow of this fake world.

i guess i could have said the typical "europe....paris....thailand....london....peru, etc" but i promised myself (and implied to anyone who reads this) that i would be honest with these posts. of course i would love to live in any of those places. but that was not the question, or the truth. thus, there you go. latu is a nerd. now the whole world knows it.

eighteen, a real adult

What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive

I would say it's not really something anyone else did, I get over those pretty quickly. I think my hardest thing to forgive would be myself for dropping out of high school. Sometimes, I still regret it, or I get annoyed with myself about it, but it is what it is. There is not much changing it!

Seventeen magazine is done shopping models skinnier

What is the thing you most wish you were great at

this is a hard question. I think I most wish I were great at being perfect... No, but for reals I do.

I guess if that one doesn't count, I wish I were great at language. I wish I were a linguist like jrr tolkien. I wish I were able to speak multiple languages, german, spanish, french, dutch, italian, farsi, cantonese, mandarin. I want to speak them all.

Sweet sixteen

What are your five greatest accomplishments

I would say the first one would be getting my GED. It was a huge accomplishment just because it was the first academic accomplishment I made after the academic failure I have spoken of before.

Another would be going to state in mock trial. Super geeky, yes, but I worked ridiculously hard at it, it's mos def an accomplishment.

I would say going to college. In this day and age, it's more of an expectation than accomplishment, but I see it as one.

Successfully buying/paying off a car. If you don't know how this feels, do it!

Making it to 26 years old. That's a huge deal!

fifteen candles....maybe that's a bit off!

if you were an animal, what would you be and why?

i think if i were an animal, i would split my time between two different animals (if i were an animal, and i could choose the animal i was, i would have the power to change it, or the universe sucks.)

first, i would want to be a sheep. their lives are so very easy. their owners provide fenced-in pastures, guard dogs, food, water, anything else a little sheepy would want. all you would have to do in return is suffer through being rounded up by a sheep dog once in a while to get sheared (is it once a year? twice? i really need to brush up on my animal husbandry skills) as a sheep, you are more valuable alive, to be harvested every so often for wool. i can handle wandering around a field in hobbit land for my entire life, having no real threats or responsibility.

i would also be a humpback whale. i want to migrate, i want to see the world, to be free to do basically whatever i want. plus, i have always been fascinated with humpback whales. in maui, we used to see them in their migration, we used to walk down the streets of lahaina, an old whaling village, and see all of the whaling ships and accoutrements. (wow, run on sentance!!) i have always loved them. i would love to be one, roaming the oceans at my own pace and desire.

fourteen, eighth grade

describe 5 strengths you have.

wow, this one is just as hard, maybe harder than he weaknesses was. for some reason, i feel like i will be judged more by what i write in this post than the weaknesses i have. if anyone disagrees with these strengths, please feel free to shove it. i don't want to hear it, haha.

i would say one of the strengths i have is patience. i do not always possess it, but i am capable of a lot of patience. i wish it were something i was born with, but i learned patience by













waiting.

another strength would be empathy. it is easy for me to feel empathy and sympathize with others. sometimes, i wish i did not; that i could just ignore their humanity. but, those moments are usually pretty short-lived

i like to call this next one my resilience (actually, i just pulled that out of the air, but i like it so i am running with it!) i am able to get over stuff easily. my anger, like my willpower is a sprinter, not a distance runner. i get mad, but it is always short-lived. sometimes, i will write down why i am mad, imagining my future self feeling just as miffed, offended and angry about the situation. in the moment, it feels great to envision my future self on my side, supporting me in my fury. it never works out like that. any time i come across something like that, i laugh inside at how angry i used to be. when i was in high school, i got mad at my mom. i have no idea why, but i was mad. i wrote a passive agressive note to my mom. behind my door, and in some weird code. it might have been the longest i have stayed mad at someone, because i put tic marks below it i think marking days i was mad. i really wish i could remember what all the crap i wrote meant (my teenaged self would be disappointed in me. i was convinced i would NEVER forget that situation or my anger) i was just inspired to take a blurry, poorly lit camera phone picture of it. while doing so, i realized just how much i wrote on my walls in sharpie during high school. like my smallest brother, who was 4 at the time, i thought writing on the walls with sharpie was awesome!!

anywho, here is a pic of the wall.

i like to think of myself as intelligent. not intelligent in the you-really-should-stay-in-school-and-graduate kind of way, but intelligent in the you-are-one-of-those-special-people-who-can-get-an-education-without-ever-stepping-foot-in-a-classroom sort of way. of course.

i guess another strength i have is my sense of duty. i do a lot of stuff because i feel honor-bound or duty-bound or guilt-tripped into doing it. i think this is a good thing, and something more youngsters could learn more of. it helps me balance my inherent desire to be selfish.

anywho, that's it. that's my list. maybe one day, i will share some more teenaged stories, like the one YEAR where i called everyone sexys. cause, you know. high school and all that...

thirteen, an official teenager

describe 5 weaknesses you have

wow, i really don't like this question. i guess maybe cause i have way more than 5 weaknesses. maybe because i like to pretend i have none :)

one weakness i am seriously struggling with lately and only understanding a bit is the fairness fallacy. it's basically the belief that the world is orderly and fair. or, that the fairness in the world should follow my own perception of fairness or equality. as we all know the world does not and will not ever. my struggle is convincing myself to let it go. i cannot control it! i want to do a better job of balancing my expectations without losing hope. i want to always keep my hope. but it's hard to distinguish between hope and expectations for me!

sunk cost bias. oh my goodness, my life literally changed the day i read the linked article. i love the quote "don't throw your valuable resources down a hole just cause you dug one". i get sucked into this all the time, using stuff that is already spent and gone (time, money, effort, etc) to manipulate myself or guilt myself into doing stuff i don't want to do. it is so hard for me to not fall into this mind trap. it seems like all my decisions are skewed by the emotional "investments" that i make, and then expect fair returns from (sound familiar??) i am all sorts of crazy!

another weakness of mine is food. man alive, i love the stuff, and the stuff loves me (or maybe not, haha) i love food, and for a long time my most effective coping skill was eating. i am trying hard to change that, but i am pretty sure it will always be a weakness for me.

in the willpower race, i tend to be a sprinter, not a distance runner. i run out of willpower at the most inopportune and inconvenient moments.willpower is mos def a weakness of mine.

wow, four down and i am stuck. never mind, i am not stuck. i am a poor listener. i interrupt all the time and interject personal stories (i just think i am really clever!) (wow, i just interrupted myself, haha) rather than let people finish their sentences. i am working on this one a lot. hopefully the world will be fair and let my work pay off :)

twelve noon or midnight?

describe a typical day in your current life. 

wow, this is kind of a hard question. i have about three typical days right now; days i work a morning shift, days i work an afternoon shift, and days that i do not work.

i guess the best thing is to just jump on in!

when i work at 6 am here is how my day goes:
4:30am wake up, panicking that i am late for work. making out the time on the clock is impossible with my dark-adjusted, puffy eyes, so i reach for my phone. of course, it is plugged in as far away as possible so that i am forced to get out of bed to turn off my alarm. i check the time and relieved, lay back down with my phone. don't ask me why, i am just reporting how my day usually goes.

5:52am wake up, faintly hearing a noise. realize in a panic it is my phone alarm, muffled because i am laying on top of it. jump out of bed, throw clothes on and take off to work with a toothbrush in my mouth. i will go to the bathroom at work.

6:07am arrive at work, sputtering some excuse and apology for being late. nightwatch grunts a reply and leaves. i sit down and my heart starts to calm down. i made it, and not too late, so all is well.

depending on the day of the week, i will spend a few hours playing on the computer or typing emails or with a house full of teenagers, awake and not too happy about it.

the next 8 or so hours vary. sometimes, we head to a llama farm, sometimes we go do service, sometimes we hang out around the house, sometimes we clean, sometimes we go to na meetings, sometimes we go to church. we basically do what we want ;)

2pm it is time for me to be done with work, but this is precisely the time i realize all the things on my to-do list are going to take longer than i expected. 

2:30pm get all my stuff done and leave work.

2:34pm arrive home and wonder how it only takes 4 minutes to get home in the afternoon with traffic, but 7 to get to work on empty streets in the morning. vow to time each route to determine the most efficient one....tomorrow :)

wow, this is a lot more labor intensive than i thought. i am done going hour by hour. suffice it to say that i never wake up earlier than i absolutely have to, and i have a hard time being productive on days that i work, during the hours that i do not work (after working 6-2, i just want to sleep and be lazy. before working 2-10, i just want to sleep and be lazy :) thus, my most productive days are the days i have off, when i am ok with the notion of getting up and at 'em at 10 or 11 :)

eleventy-first birthdays

describe 10 pet peeves you have

wow, this question could end up being a pandora's box... a lot of things annoy we. we have discussed before how bratty i am. i guess pet peeves go a bit deeper, though.

1. i hate it when people cut in front of me when driving and then slow down. you seemed in such a hurry, why the wait now?
2. along those same lines, i cannot stand people who match my speed when i am trying to pass them and then slow back down when i give up and get behind them. there is a special corner in hell reserved for people who do this,
3. i hate it when people think they know my life. it really annoys me when people make assumptions about my intentions or thoughts. if you are wondering, ask me. i will let you know what i am thinking and what my intentions are. you might not like them, but it will be the truth, not some ridiculous assumption. 
4. people who do not rinse their dishes immediately after they use them. don't think this is a huge deal? try washing a sink full of stuck on, baked on food and you will understand. 
5. people who read over my shoulder and then ask me questions about it. most of the time, i could not care less whether you read over my shoulder. it happens. i get that people are nosy. but to ask me questions about the email i am typing or the article i am reading?? seriously, how annoying! at least try to be sneaky about your nosiness.
6. i cannot stand smelling other people's burps and farts. yeah, it is a bodily process, but really. no one wants to smell what you had for lunch or the decomposed remains of your dinner last night. 
7. sitting in pee on the toilet seat (do anyone else's nephews constantly do this??) i don't think i even need to explain this one.
8. having my personality or behaviors justified or explained away by my religion, race, upbringing, gender, education, political affiliation or anything else. why can't people just accept that i am a human? why do they need some deeper reasoning for the things i do, especially when they rarely even affect others. i think it is a way of maintaining a sense of superiority, and i despise it. if you wanted to explain the reasoning behind the behaviors of those around you, become a psychologist. otherwise, well, you know. :)
9. too many chiefs and not enough squaws.. or some sort of saying like that! i guess this is less of a pet peeve, and more of something i have no ability to cope with. it is extremely overwhelming to try to do any task when surrounded by people who have differing opinions about how to do it. stop telling me how you would make/do it (which translates into how you think i should do/make it)! if you care so much, you can do it next time. until then, i know what i am doing; leave me be.
10. i hate when people pick apart a movie/book/tv show that i love. yeah, there will be inconsistencies and stupid plot points, but save your criticisms for shows/movies/books that i also hate :)