nothing to report...

i don't really have anything to report, but i feel like posting. this post will not have any capitals or weird punctuation requiring the shift key, because i ripped the shift key off my computer.... yeah folks. basically, this is what happened.

i somehow spilled water on my keyboard (ok, so i spit water on my keyboard/computer) and in an attempt to keep my keyboard from frying with the water, i ripped off all the keys from about the p on over to the right. then, i dried up all the water i could find and began replacing the keys. all of them went back just fine except the shift key. that one was not so easy, and even after watching three videos and how-to's, i still could not get it to stay on. not a huge deal, i thought, until i realized that i basically never use the left side shift key. so, my life has basically either gone without shifting or shifted very slowly because i have to remember where the key is on the left hand.

i would insert some pretty symbols or wavy signs here if i had a shift key...

i am basically crazy. the other day, i was at work and had just opened my paycheck. after looking at it, finding out how much pto i had, and how much overtime i'd worked, etc. i realized that i had opened the check 'the old way' aka, opened the flap, just like you'd open any other letter. not a problem except for the fact that i remembered that last payday, i opened my check from the side and really liked how the check was free of weird hanging flaps of paper.

not wanting to be outdone by myself, i reinserted the pay stub and proceeded to cut open the side of the envelope then tape shut the flap. keep in mind, i am not alone, in the privacy of my own office. i am in an office, surrounded by three people, all of whom have since stopped talking in oder to observe what on earth i was doing. it wasn't until they asked me about what i was doing that i realized how crazy i had been. i was embarrassed that i had done it just then, but not so embarrassed that it cancelled out the feeling of calm that i got when i had fixed the envelope.

well, that concludes the typing for now. this post is really annoying me because it's got no capitals or punctuation that i like. the countdown has begun to my birthday, or as my cousin puts it, my two dozen benchmark.

Speechless

I was reading this blog (you'll have to go to the next page back to read the whole story) at the suggestion of my Aunt Michelle. I am literally speechless. The writer has let us into an extremely personal, traumatic, and painful week of her life. I was in tears while reading it and teared up again when I explained it to my mom. The woman's first-hand, no holds barred, account of her son's accident was just so relatable.

It made me feel like I was living the nightmare along side her. The mother is an amazing writer, and I am still speechless. There is nothing I can say that will fix anything for her; nothing I can do to help, but I want to. I wish I could fix this for her and her family. I wish it were a book that I could skip to the end and read the ending, ensuring myself that everyone lives happily ever after. I cannot do any of those, and it bothers me. I suppose I will have to make myself content with prayers on their behalf and finding a way to distract myself from the feeling that my heart has dropped out of my chest.

I am a very blessed girl, and I am grateful for the example of others, like the Staker family, who put things into perspective for me.

Randomness

Well, I like to keep busy. I hate being bored, and the things I do when I am bored usually eat up a lot of gas in my car, money, or just time and effort. (Hence the fiddle.) So, I have been trying to keep busy at work and pick up a lot of extra shifts. The thing that I forgot when picking up all these shifts is how long your day is when you work 16 hours straight.

My daddy's in the hospital right now. It's mostly just the same heart crap he's had since I was in high school. Lots of tests the last few days, and not many answers, but he should be fine.

My 24th birthday is coming up. I am kinda devastated by it. I don't really want to turn 24. I am not even sure why, but I'm just not excited for it. I guess it's a good thing I'll be in Vegas for it. Nothing like a buffet and show to make you feel good about being old :)

I got bitten the other day at work. Through three layers of shirts. It drew Blood. Left a nasty bite mark. (Ok, that's the end of my drama :) I'm now on antibiotics and trying not to be paranoid that I have some weird disease or am now a vampire. A werewolf would be better than Vampire. They at least get a few weeks' break from being crazy. :)

Seatbelts

Today, I went to get in my car and could tell my mom had been in it. The seat was forward a good 4 inches, and the drivers side seatbelt was as far down as it would go. The seat bothers me less than the seatbelt; I can drive with the seat a lot farther up than I usually do, I just don't like it.

The seatbelt is another matter. I am extremely claustrophobic, especially when it comes to seat belts. I do not like my movements being restricted. Even just the half-second it took to raise the seatbelt made me anxious. I had to twist my body to fit under it, for Pete's sake!

A long time ago-probably 8 years-I was driving back from a funeral in New Mexico. I was with my Auntie Pam and a few of her children, including my cousin Jenna. Pam and one of my other cousins were in the front seat, discussing babies and when they felt like the best time to bathe them was. (The consensus was the morning, there's nothing nastier than the smell of baby pee that has sat in a diaper all night)

I inadvertantly extended the seatbelt all the way, and slowly the seat belt had become tighter over the past few miles. I started panicking and every rational thought left my mind. The conversation faded and I began trying to get out of the seatbelt, which only made it tighter. At this point, it was actually squeezing me and I was trying to control my breathing. The last conversation I wanted to have was with my sweet Auntie about how she gave me a ride home from the funeral and I went and got stuck in her car.

I knew in that very moment that I would die in that seatbelt. I tried squeezing my upper body out of it, but my head wouldn't fit. If only I had been flexible enough to contort my body to freedom!

I am pretty sure I was probably starting to panic noticeably by then. My cousin Jenna looked over and asked what I was doing. I was mortified that I had to tell her I was stuck forever in the seatbelt, but I did on the off chance that she would have scissors to cut me out of it.

In less than two seconds, Jenna reached over, pushed the release button on the seat belt, and released me from my prison.

As soon as she had done it, I felt retarded. I couldn't believe that I was really that panicked about the seatbelt. But I was more annoyed that the thought had never occurred to me that I could unbuckle it myself. That's usually how life works. We get caught up in our own drama and need an outside source to step in and be the voice of reason.

Even though I bet she doesn't remember that story, I am forever indebted to my cousin Jenna for releasing me from the prison of my own making :)

Britax gushing!

It's a well-known fact that I obsess about some (ok, a lot of) things. Britax car seats are one of them. I feel strongly that car seats should be well-built and engineered (no Made in China stickers here) and that they should be Britax. No other options. My sisters have been less on board with this idea in the past, but gratefully, they have both humored me in this obsession.

Well, the other day, Talia fell on the ice while walking with her darling baby boy in his car seat. The car seat tumbled through the air and sidewalk, and she was mortified. She was convinced that her baby was injured or had whiplash or was dead, because he was not responding the way she envisioned. Instead of being hysterical like she was, the baby was happy as a clam, a direct result of the True Side Impact Protection that the Britax Companion had (and incidentally, we had fought about whether the car seat even needed) The end story is this: The "accident" could have been a real one, and we are both happy as clams that it wasn't. But it makes me sleep just a little better when I remember that my nieces and nephews are riding in the best car seats money can buy.

That being said, go here and enter to win a Frontier, Britax's most awesome harnessed booster seat!

For another post, another day: The benefits of Rear-Facing car seats. Please watch the entire thing. It will change all your excitement and eagerness to turn your baby's car seat around the moment they turn 1.

Breathe, and I'll carry you away

Home among these mountain tops
Can be so awfully dull, a thousand miles from the tide

Like I said in my last post, I adore Owl City. The title and lines above are both from their song On The Wing. The thing I love the most about Owl City is that the words explain so perfectly emotions that I (and I am sure you) have felt. It is pure poetry, and I love it.

This song has hit close to home lately because I have contemplated that exact sentiment; Living in Utah, among the mountaintops is pretty dull, and it's for sure miles and miles from the Ocean, which I honestly feel like is part of my heritage. I cannot be without the water. I live here because it's what I know and it's where my family is. That's crap justification if you ask me.

I want to travel. I always have. I think it's something most people secretly wish for, and something that they leave for "someday" Well, someday never comes. I feel strongly that just because I was plopped down in the middle of Orem, Utah, does not mean that I must stay here forever, or even that this has to be my future. I want to travel the world. I want to go around the entire Earth and find the one place I love the most, and then stay forever.

I went to Australia, almost exactly on the other side of the world. I saw some amazing things and I loved it. It makes me wonder what else the world has to offer. There are billions of people here, and even more places to see. I want to see them. I don't care if Google Earth has street view that is pretty realistic. I don't care that I'm not going to be the first person ever to look at the things I see. I just want to see it first-hand. I want to experience it all. That way, when I am ready to settle down, I can be confident that the place I have chosen is the one place in the world that I want to be.

Or maybe I'm not ready to settle down because I'm not sure what exactly I'd be settling for here in Orem, Utah...

A Wonderful Christmas Time

It does not feel like Christmas. I have completely been in denial about Christmas approaching until BANG! It's here. I am not sure how I feel about it, but I am typing this first blog post on my new laptop that Santa brought me. That's gotta mean something, right?

I am listening to Saltwater Room, by Owl City, and I must admit it is my new favorite song. I bought the entire album because I adore this song.

With your ear to a seashell, you can hear the waves in underwater caves as if you actually were inside a saltwater room.

I love listening to seashells. I remember doing it as a child, which means it is pretty awesome now. Things I did when I was little tend to be awesome. For a while, I insisted on being called Spotted White Deer. I knew I was part Navajo and Paiute, and I for sure looked like I was Indian, so I decided my name would be Spotted White Deer after an Indian girl I saw in a coffee table book.

I still think about myself as Spotted White Deer sometimes. It makes more sense than I ever knew when I was little. I have pretty white skin, Freckles (which I found out this summer were actually moles...) and I prance around on my toes, similar to a deer. Awesome?? I think so :)