Let's try a Benjamin

Well, I have seen this on a lot of blogs, and I am rather bored today, so here goes.

1. I have two jobs.
2. I hate having two jobs but will not quit either.
3. I like each for its own reasons, and they are a good balance for each other
4. I call my nephew "brown boy" not because he is brown, but because my other nephew called him brown (versus himself who is "black").
5. I have to stop myself from saying it in public because I don't want people to think I'm some skinhead racist.
6. Some days, I can be guilted into doing anything.
7. Other days, you can beg for hours and not change my mind
8. When I was 12, my older sister got married
9. I was the youngest one in her line
10. I was also the tallest
11. It messed with my mind for a while
12. Now, I'm almost twice that age
13. And I work at a junior high
14. It almost seems like some sick kind of regression
15. I track kids' attendance at the Junior High
16. I have conversations with them about how important it is to attend every class
17. I make them promise to go to their classes and get upset when they don't
18. I feel like a hypocrite because you couldn't pay me to go to class in school
19. I hope some of them take it seriously
20. I know from experience most of them will not
21. I hated our High School tracker.
22. I swore she was racist
23. I would have sworn on a bible that she only yelled at the brown kids
24. Now, the kids swear I am racist.
25. Karma's a b****
26. I am pretty certain most days that I could do a better job than everyone else.
27. It doesn't matter what job it is
28. I refuse to put my wipers on high, even if I need it
29. I guess I would rather die than look like a spaz
30. My nephew has really bad asthma
31. He throws up if he runs or plays too much
32. The thought of it happening in public is enough to make my OCD mind go crazy
33. I read a book about OCD the other week
34. Partway through it, I tried to convince myself I had OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder)
35. It's a lot the same, only not as bad
36. More like personality quirks than crazyness
37. Sadly, I am definitely crazy
38. It's nice pretending they are just personality quirks
39. I am incredibly vain about my hair
40. It does not matter how nice yours is; my hair is better
41. I adore the color of my hair
42. Really. It's got tons of natural highlights in the summer
43. My hair lightening is more incentive to be outside than getting tan
44. Bodies of water fascinate me-I love them.
45. I am terrified of what is below you in open water
46. Sometimes, I even get scared of sharks in the deep end of the pool
47. If I'm not careful, I have to talk myself down from a panic attack in the pool.
48. The first time I water skied, no one told me to let go if I didn't get up
49. I held on for a good 5 seconds before the force of the water nearly drowned me
50. Everyone but me thought it was hilarious
51. I am probably the only one who still remembers it
52. But I think it's hilarious now, too
53. I got peed on by a dog last summer
54. Warm pee dripping down my hip was the nastiest feeling ever.
55. Another one of those times when everyone but me thought it was hilarious
56. I am able to laugh about it now
57. When I let myself, I become more crazy than normal
58. It's a nice coping skill
59. I can physically feel the tension melt off when I am doing something OCD
60. Alphabetizing, re-ordering, counting, cleaning. Anything works
61. I made a quilt for a baby shower last week
62. I was quite proud of it
63. In fact, I thought it was a lot better than one someone else brought
64. She doesn't know this, but I won.
65. I basically never comment on people's blogs
66. If a post of mine does not have a comment, I wonder if it is horrible
67. I contemplate deleting the post
68. I have to talk myself out of it several times
69. Then I remember "It's not me, it's the OCD"
70. And my universe re-centers itself
71. But I still don't comment on other peoples blogs
72. Double standard, I know
73. I peed my pants in the 4th grade.
74. My mom was working, so my friend's mom brought me clothes
75. I am not sure which was more embarrassing to me, my teacher and the office lady finding out, or my friend's mom
76. Sometimes, I wonder if she remembers and thinks I'm gross
77. I am terrified to drive next to bicycles on the road
78. I just imagine them toppling over into my lane
79. I hate CFL light bulbs and refuse to use them
80. I don't necessarily hate the environment.
81. I just hate that they are so dim right at first
82. Dim just doesn't cut it. Sometimes, I need light right then
83. When I was in Mutual, my Young Women leaders were all within the ages of 19-24.
84. I learned more about sex (and their sex lives) from them than anyone or anything else to that point
85. I adored Mutual for the most part
86. It helped that there were a high of 10 girls ever
87. Girls camp was the best
88. This past summer (and the one coming up) was the first summer since I was 12 that I did not go to camp
89. I really like being in charge
90. Not necessarily to power trip
91. More just knowing I'm in charge
92. Someone else who is in charge can make exactly the same decision I would but it feels a lot better knowing it came from me
93. It's the same with driving
94. I hate being behind a car, even if they are going the same speed I am
95. Knowing that I could not speed up if I wanted drives me crazy.
96. Without fail, I speed up and pass the car
97. Only to then go the exact same speed I was
98. It is unacceptable if said car attempts to speed up and pass me
99. This number is lower than the MPH that I am willing to go to prevent said car from passing me
100. I'm crazy. I know. I am still trying to convince myself they're just personality quirks!

Wow, 100 seemed like a pretty big number when I started. I guess time flies when you are having fun AND when you are talking about yourself. :)

In the still of the night...

The other night, I walked outside, and could not help but feel something eerily creepy about the night. I thought it might be that I had just watched the Ring the night before, and was still a little scared from it but that was not it. I could not pinpoint what was creepy about that night until last night. Last night was a normal, beautiful night (hopefully also the beginnings of spring). Nothing seemed odd, and everything seemed in its place.

It was then that I realized that nights without wind are eerie.

I can't imagine what could be romantic about the still of the night to inspire the song, but it's apparent from the song that not everyone agrees with me. A completely still day does not phase me. It's just as normal as a breezy day. A completely still night on the other hand, is disconcerting.

In general, I think the world (day, or night with wind :) is such a wonderfully beautiful place. It is hard for me to look at a flower and not be awed by the omnipotent God that made it. The more I grow and learn about our world and its intricacies, the more convinced I am of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am blessed to live in a truly beautiful and choice land. Sure, there are prettier mountains out there. Prettier deserts, prettier lakes and rivers, more gorgeous fall leaves, but I like the ones here best.

There was a time when the only thing keeping me in Utah was my family. Yup, you heard me! My family. I am a self-professed homebody (though I don't think anyone will disagree) In my years here, I have actually grown to really appreciate and love Utah. Sure, the people drive me insane sometimes, and I am not sure I want my kids to grow up here. However, I think it is probably a case of blooming where you are planted more than anything else. Sure, I might be the weed popping out of nowhere-a nuisance to all involved, but at least I am blooming :)



Professing my love of Utah is not what I intended with this post, but just as with life, the post takes you unexpected places. Working two full-time jobs and still not done with school is not where I intended my life to be, but welcome! This is where I'm at!

Great Day

Today was just a good day. Nothing incredible happened and it was actually a slightly busy day at work. It was also just an all-around good day.

I love days like today. Days like today tend to make me focus on the smaller things in my life, the tender mercies, that I am so grateful for. There is no great flash of happiness to focus on, so I am forced to focus on the small things.

I love my car. I am grateful to have reliable transportation. It is a total gas hog, but I feel like it is one of the last few Great American cars. I have wanted a Durango since I was 12 and we rented one. It is truly my dream car. =)

I am so grateful for my daddy and that he is still here. Last week, he and my small brother were in an accident. They literally almost flew of point of the mountain, and I am overwhelmed by my gratefulness that they are still here.

I am grateful for the amazing people I work with. They keep me grounded and sane.

I love my heritage. I think it's awesome that I have so many different cultures and backgrounds. I love that my mom just found an article from when my dad passed the threshold between Illegal Alien and Resident Alien. It's an interesting blast from the past.

I adore the brown boy, my younger nephew. He is adorable to be around, and notices the smallest things that, in his mind, are the most amazing finds ever. I love that he will lapse into some foreign language midsentance, and keep on chattering like we should understand every nuance of his make believe language.

I love taking naps and then waking up in the evening, freaking out at the time, only to find out that it is 8:00 p.m. and not a.m.

I love the smell of Gain. Just regular-old Gain laundry soap. It's such a treat to pull out clothes and have them still smell awesome.

The most amazing part of my day happened when I ran to the post office. A little back story: I have to cross a big-ish street to get to the post office, which usually entails me waiting at the light to get there, and then waiting forever on the way back. Not today! I made the light both ways, and never had to stop. It was pure joy!

Such a great day.

Laugh Out Loud

These are just some quotes that I was thinking about that make me laugh out loud any time I think of them.

Call from a mother in California to me at my Provo, UT job (approx. 40 miles south of Salt Lake City) Yeah, I just saw on the news that there was an avalanche in Salt Lake. Is my daughter OK?

Conversation with a mother who has a pretty perfect child: You're really calling me because my kid pulled his pants down in the hall and pretended to pee?! Did you actually see him peeing?
No. I was actually trying not to look at him once I realized what he was doing.
Well, unless he actually pees in the hall, and someone actually sees it, I don't want to hear from you! Click

Conversation with a kid at my work: Are you Chinese? Because your eyes look like it when you smile.....Will you help me with my math? Chinese people are good at math.

Conversation with a kid at my work who just found out she has an STD: Latu, have you ever had an STD?
No
Are you sure? Not even when you were younger?
Yeah. Pretty sure.

Conversation with a kid at work: Are you Tongan? Because I've never seen a white Tongan.
Yeah, I'm just albino.
Oh. Cool!

Flex is a new program we are starting at the Jr. High designed to help the kids who are struggling succeed, and rewarding the kids who are not. Here's a conversation about it: When is that exercising program going to start?
.......What exercising program?
You know, the one they did the assembly about.
Do you mean Flex, the new academic program/schedule we are starting?
Yeah, whatever.

My Nephew, upon seeing a present for his birthday: Is that a surprise for me? You can tell me, I won't tell you!

Just a few things I thought (and still think) were funny.


This one is less funny, but more telling about our day and age.
A group of girls is playing the Game of Life. One of them lands on the marriage space, and this is the question I hear: Are you marrying a girl or a boy?

The road goes ever on and on

...Down from the door where it began.

That is the beginning of the first poem/song I ever read from JRR Tolkien. It was sung by Bilbo Baggins, a famously wandering hobbit. The song had a huge part in me becoming absolutely enthralled with the world Tolkien created. The reader has a hard time relating to most of the hobbits in his writing because they are resolutely anti-wandering. There is a huge wide world outside their beloved Shire, but they not only do not care to see it, they fear it. I think there is a lot to be said for the fact that Tolkien's protagonists are constantly on a journey. When the journey ends, their story does also. There is precious little written by Tolkien about what Samwise or Merry or Pip did once they returned to the Shire. There is little written about people once they reach the grey havens or about Aragorn once he became king.



I think Tolkien knew that the story was all in the journey.

We as a people revere others who have riches or renown. But we revere even more the people who are "self-made" Who doesn't love a good rags-to-riches story? We are fascinated with how they got to where they are, but the "my daily life as a billionaire" books somehow never make it to bestseller status. We are fascinated by books about people losing enormous amounts of weight, and the things that caused their weight-gain in the first place, but not interested in their lives now that they fit the "normal" mold.

One day, I hope to be a "successful" person. I want to have the type of life that would make others want to read about; the type of life that makes others think I possess some marvelous secret about life. But I also hope to never be finished with my journey. The jury is still out about whether both are possible at the same time, but I'll keep plugging on either way.

Pretty much the worst week ever.

Well, that is a huge exaggeration. But one I can definitely get on board with.

I need a break before I start the cleanup of my apartment, so here's a re-cap/rant of my week so far.

Sunday: I spent the entire day in bed sick. I never made it farther than my bathroom (even that was pushing it) I woke up during the night (this actually might count as Monday) because I literally could not breathe. My lungs and throat were almost sealed off by mucus (TMI, I know). It was the most panicking experience of my life. I am pretty sure I might dread whooping cough more than anything else in the world. I spent 25 minutes sitting in the bathroom with hot water on until it ran cold. Finally, after inhaling all that steam, I was able to breathe and sleep again (it was 4:30 by now, and I could only sleep sitting up, but sleep is sleep.)

Monday: After trying all night to call and leave a message at work that I would not be coming in (the phone just rang, I guess the voice mail system was off) I set my alarm for 7:45a.m. so that I would be able to wake up and call once someone got there. 10:00a.m. rolls around, and I am woken up by my brother, asking why I am not at work. Panicked, I call in sick (2 hours after I should have been there) and then schedule an appt. with the doctor for that afternoon. 3:30p.m. rolls around and I drag myself out of bed and go to the doctor, where I proceeded to slip not once, not twice, but three separate times in the parking lot. (two resulted in me on the ground. The other probably just sprained my knee again)

Tuesday: By the rest of the week's standards, a good day. All that happened was I went to work sick.

Wednesday: I should have known never to eat something made in a Jr. High foods class...
I was asked to participate in a taste testing session for the foods classes at work. For the final project, the kids made samples of food items for us to judge. The first day (Tues.) went according to plan. The food was good, and I was full and happy. The second day (Wed.) went fine until I bit into a piece of Calzone and found a long, thick, black hair in it. It is obviously gross to have hair in your food, but the 'gross' factor changed to absolute disgust when I looked up to see the culprit and his greasy long hair.
Later that afternoon, (after fighting the urge to purge all day long) I went to my other job, and about 30 minutes after getting there got a call from my mom, notifying me that my dad had been admitted into the Cardiac ICU at the new IHC hospital in Murray. Visions of the past rushed through my head as I imagined the very worst, and the doctors confirmed by fears by telling us he would be there for at least 5-7 days.

Thursday: I spent the day at the hospital, witnessing my father literally healed by the power of the priesthood, and being allowed to go home that afternoon because of his miraculous recovery.

Friday: I wake up at 6:30a.m. to find my ENTIRE apartment covered in 1.5 inches of standing water. So started my day full of wet-vac, dumping buckets of water out, mopping up water, moving furniture, frantically moving electronics, being grateful I chose to put my laptop on the couch not under it like usual, trying to figure out how to turn off the water to the toilet, and above all, just pure stress. (and it's only 11:30!)

Saturday: I have the day off, and am planning on going to Cracker Barrel and having my fill of french toast; I am cautiously optimistic about how the day will go!

Well, looking back, none of the incidents seem too bad alone (or at all, for that matter). But, put them together and it seems worse than they really are.

So ends my rant about the week. I know that most of my views right now are tainted by my annoyance that my apartment flooded, but I figure everyone is entitled to a little self-pity once in a while!

Pride

Well, I realized I am a very prideful person this past week. But, I don't think that's always a bad thing. Who knows, though.

Here's my list:

*I am proud to belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
*I am proud to be an American. I am proud of the privileges and responsibilities that it brings
*I am proud to be the daughter of my father. He taught me everything I know about work ethic and the value of hard labor. He taught me to respect people so that I can expect respect back.
*I am proud to say that after 31 years, my parents are still happily married
*I am proud to be my mom's daughter. So many of my personality traits I inherited from her. She is a smart lady who knows what she wants, and is willing to do what it takes to get it
*I am proud that I am 1/2 Tongan, and 1/2 everything else (I am also German, Welsh, Scottish, Navajo, and Paiute)
*I am proud to say that I am 100% American, a veritable melting pot, or a mutt. Either works. I have an ancestor who came to America on the Mayflower, ancestors who have lived in this land since Lehi and his family left Jerusalem, and a dad who came to this land when he was a young man (and everyone in between)
*I am proud that my ancestors chose to join the LDS church and come to America from Europe
It fills me with pride to know that even though my great-grandmother was full-blooded German, she did not agree with the evil things her government did in the name of the German people
*I am proud of my two sisters and the amazing mothers they are; I am proud of my brothers and their contributions to society
*I am proud that I spent 18 months of my life as a nanny, and I hope that I had as much of an impact on the kids as they had on me
*I am proud to say that my Grandfather is one of the most amazing men I have ever met. I am proud he was a professional scouter with the Boy Scouts of America
*I am proud that I received my Young Womanhood award and graduated from seminary (4 years, nothing but As) when I was 18
*I am proud to be the descendant of father Lehi
*I am proud to be able to look a police officer in the eye and know that my conscience is clear
*I am proud that I taught myself to quilt and enjoy it as a pastime
*I am so proud to have known my Grandma, and proud of the legacy she has left for her posterity
*I am proud to know that I can live for eternity with my family
*I am mostly just proud to be me.

There are so many reasons for me to be proud; I cannot name them all.
Suffice it to say that I am mostly just proud to be who I am, and where I am with my life. I am proud of the successes I have had, as well as the hard times, because I know it has taught me things about myself or about life that I would not have learned otherwise.