It's all coming off

The HAIR, silly! What else would I mean?!?! ;)

From the Back, with flash...

From the side; no flash.

Well, it's about that time again. It's been a few years since I really hacked my hair, I'm about due for another cut. I'm going in the morning to get my hair cut and donate it to Locks of Love.

I really wish that my motives were pure; that I only wanted to donate it to help little bald children, but the truth is:

I'm just getting sick of my hair.
Sick of how much conditioner I use
Sick of finding unbelievably long hairs on EVERYTHING!
Sick of how long it takes to twist it up into a bun (you'd be surprised how annoying those extra five seconds can be when you do it ten times a day)
Sick of having to braid it every night just so it doesn't get all disgusting before morning.
Sick of babies constantly playing "giddy up, horsie!" with my hair/reins.
Sick of having to extend my arms almost completely just to braid it.
Just all-around sick of my hair.

So, pure motives or otherwise, the small children without hair will be getting a handful of my hair. But first, I wanted to post a "before" picture. Mostly because I want to remember how long my hair was for when I start to regret that I cut it (in a few days) But also because I absolutely love the color of my hair (more than is normal or natural, I think), and I'm scared to death that my hair will magically stop growing in that color as soon as I cut it.

Anywho, keep your fingers crossed for me that my hair will not decide to turn black, and if all goes as planned, hopefully there will be some "after" pics tomorrow!

DonorsChoose.org

http://www.donorschoose.org

So, I was on the website Kiva, and feeling really good because I put some money up for a micro loan. Afterwards, though, I was talking to Pene and she told me about the Donors Choose website. The website not having been endorsed by TIME, Oprah, and the Today Show, I had not heard of it.

Basically, it's a website where American teachers can come and ask for donations to buy things needed for their classrooms. I saw lots of different things; one school wants basketballs for their Varsity basketball team. Another wants help buying footballs and pads for their team. One wants yarn and looms to let the kids weave hats, but the most heartbreaking one for me was a 1st grade teacher who wants a set of leveled reading books so that her low-income kids (apparently she has too many students to work with them one-on-one) can check them out and practice reading at home.

It was a real eye-opener for me. I realized how very blessed I was in my education. I had plenty of books to check out and read at all the schools I ever went to. During PE, we had at least 20 - 25 basketballs to play with (every three months or so when we did), and Small Brother obviously has football pads and more than one football floating around the house. It really made me realize that even here, in the United States of America, we have poverty and need.

So, go check out the Donors Choose website, please. Donate if you want, but I think everyone should at least look at what some of our schools are in need of. Hopefully, it will help you, like it did me, be grateful for your blessings.

People

I have major trust issues. I used to think it was only with men, but now I am beginning to think that one of two things is really going on:

Option 1: I have trust issues with everyone, male and female.
Option 2: It's easier to keep people at arms length than risk getting hurt.

Actually, now that I see them written out, I think it's both.

I do not go out looking for friends. If people want to be around me, they're more than welcome to do so, but I'm not going to go out of my way to be around them. Sometimes I tell myself it's just because I don't need friends; I'm content. The truth is that I do need friends, a LOT. It's just a lot easier to deal with having no friends than it is to deal with the fact that my friends could possibly hurt me.

So, I'm pretty much a master bridge burner. I make friends, get to really like them, realize I'm getting attached, and freak out. Now, it's time to not return calls, texts, or emails for months on end, hoping they take the hint. If that doesn't work, It's time to make plans with them and break them. Usually, it only takes one or two times to work.

It's only the people who make it past my evasion maneuvers that eventually get calls back and real plans with me. It's these people that I secretly thank my Father in Heaven for. They've earned the right to my friendship. It's those friends that are the real keepers. So, to all my patient, kind friends out there: Thanks.

Eternity, Supernovas, and the giant vacuum

So, Small Brother has apparently been terrified of eternity for a few months. Eternity is for him (and everyone else here) a hard thing to fathom, but he knows that it goes on forever. It's not so much the first 9 billion years of eternity that scares him, but the 10th billion year of eternity. That one's the clincher. For a while he would not tell me why, but the other day, he let me in on the deep, dark secret of his 11-year old life:

The 10 billionth year of eternity is when we will all be blasted to oblivion by the sun.


If you are as confused as I was, here's the story: Apparently Small Brother had a talk with Vili a few months ago that has haunted Small Brother ever since. Vili was (like the good RM he is) concerned about Small Brother's eternal salvation, so they had a chat, where apparently Vili explained such things as the Second Coming, the Millennium, and finally the Earth, in it's perfected state becoming our Celestial Kingdom.

All good and well until Small Brother remembered something he saw on the Science Channel (obviously the most reputable source on the subject =) that disturbed him and shook his faith. In roughly 10 billion years, the Sun is supposed to supernova, but before it does, it will expand well past Earth's orbit, engulfing our planet in gaseous flames. In the midst of all this spiritual talk Small Brother could imagine nothing but a whole bunch of Celestial beings/prisoners of Earth, burned to a crisp by the growing gasses of the Sun.

Well, as you can imagine, it took about all of my self control not to burst into laughter when I heard that. I calmly set the record straight with Small Brother that, no. The sun would not engulf us all in flame in the midst of our eternity.

I laughed long and hard after Small Brother left, until I remembered my own visions of the Second Coming.

I imagined a Honey-I-Shrunk-The-Kids-esque scene, where a giant vacuum would descend out of heaven and Heavenly Father would suck everyone else into heaven. (luckily, I had a plan. I would hang on to the dining room table's legs, which were obviously stronger than any vacuum I'd ever seen, and avoid being sucked into Heaven.)

Somehow, I think the saying (or is it scripture?) "Out of the mouth of babes" is not always quite accurate. =)

Grandmas

Well, My sister & her baby, and me & the kids I nanny for decided to catch TRAX (the closest thing to a commuter train Utah will ever have) downtown and hang out for a while yesterday. We just stayed around Temple square; went to the Church History Museum and then toured the Conference Center (It's amazing how big it is, and how little I really knew about it until yesterday!) It was pretty fun until the point where we had two kids sleeping and another honestly falling asleep on his feet, two pretty big purses/diaper bags, and only one small umbrella stroller. =)

Well, while we were on the train back home, I saw two really young kids (like 3-5) walk by, followed a little later by a girl who was probably 9 or 10. Me and my sister looked at each other after they passed, wondering where their parents were (they did NOT look like the type you would normally see unaccompanied on a train) A few stops down the line, I realized that there was an old lady slowly but surely making her way, a few rows at a time, back to where the kids were. She would take a few steps with her cane, and hanging on for dear life to the poles and seats around her until the train started moving, then she would sit down. When she got to us, we talked to her for a second while the train was moving. It turns out that the kids we saw were her grand kids, and the little boy (probably 3) absolutely loves trains, so his Grandma decided she would take them for a train ride. She was soft-spoken, and did not seem bothered one bit about the hassle their outing had become.

When I heard that, I immediately thought to myself "I'm going to call Grandma and tell her about this lady. That reminds me of something she would do." after a split second pause, my mind caught up with the times, and I remembered that Grandma is no longer just a phone call away. It was a heart-falling-to-the-bottom-of-your-chest feeling. The thought that my grandma is gone is still one I struggle with. It just seems like she is on vacation, and we're expecting her back any day now.

I found myself inexplicably drawn to that lady on the train after that. I wanted to follow her and watch her more. I am not sure what I thought would happen, or what I wanted to accomplish by following her (likely, she'd call the police about the stalker she picked up on the train). What I do know, though, is that I am happy for those kids on the train. I am happy that they have such a loving grandma who would make sacrifices like that for their sake and happiness, and I know that they love her as dearly as I love my Grandma. That thought makes me glad for them. Every little child deserves the love and adoration of a Grandma like that.

I am also grateful to the lady on the train for reminding me of one of the most simple, amicable traits my Grandma has; selflessness. It is something I always admired in her, and something I want to possess also. I think it will take a little bit of work to get to the point Grandma was at, but there can be no harm done by filling my life with service and love. In the end, it will bring me closer to my Father in Heaven, and in turn, to my Grandma.

Just knock twice.

So, I'm a nanny. I've been doing it for almost a year and a half, and it's pretty nice. Sometimes, it gets old, but I enjoy it for the most part, and it's nice to get paid to watch kids sometimes. Pro Bono is just not my angle =)

Well, this past month or so has been pretty draining, to say the least. First, there was Grandma being so sick. It seemed like any day I could get off work and find a ride up there, I was going back and forth to the Hospital (even though I know I was not there as much as I would have liked, I tried, right? ...Well, I hope it's alright, at least.)

Then, the very day I came back from Grandma's funeral, I found out that my boss' sister (who has been very sick with cancer the entire time I've worked for them) was getting only worse, and they'd be leaving to see her that afternoon, leaving me with the kids for a few days. The next two weeks have pretty much been just a revolving door at our house. The bosses would come home, get the kids, go back. Come home, stay half a day, and leave the kids. Come home for a day, leave. Just over and over, it seems. I'm OK with it; it does not bother me, but three or four of the times they have left have been at like 3 a.m.

At that time in the morning, I am usually in a very deep sleep. Anyone who has ever slept with me knows that I am a very hard person to wake up =) Here's how it usually goes; just before my bosses are about to leave, the wife (Runner Woman) will come to my room and knock really quietly, and pause for a few minutes. If I do not answer by then, Runner Woman will knock again, just a bit more loudly. The third time will be even more insistent, but still far too nice to convince me to leave the comfort of slumber. Usually, by the time I am conscious enough to know that she's really knocking, and it's for me, I have absolutely no idea how long she's been knocking, and I just end up feeling all sorts of guilty that they had to wait for me to get up. Needless to say, I think it would be a lot easier for both of us if she just knocked twice.

When I am roused out of deep sleep, I'm in a semi-conscious, foggy state. Usually, I try half-heartedly to decide whether the knock I heard was in my dream or real life; which determines whether I wake myself up enough to mumble "Yeah?", or slide back into sleep. This is the part where the two knocks come into play. The first knock is to wake me out of the deep sleep, and the second knock is to let me know that it's real, and not a dream. If you do them close enough, my body has less time to recognize the noise as a nuisance and tune it out. Life these past weeks could have been so much easier if she would just knock twice. It's a win-win situation for everyone. They do not have to wait for the slumbering beast to wake up, and I don't have to feel guilty for making them wait.

If ever in doubt, save us all some time and JUST KNOCK TWICE. < /RANT>

My Dæmon =)

Well, I've decided that I absolutely love the series His Dark Materials, by Phillip Pullman (more commonly known now for the first book, THE GOLDEN COMPASS, which is coming out in the movies on December 7, 2007). Anywho, for all of you who are looking for a book(s) to read, I highly suggest this series (The Golden Compass, The Subtle Knife, and the Amber Spyglass) I really like it, it's a pretty interesting take on fantasy, with different worlds, creatures, and a little bit of science mixed in there.

On the official movie website, I took a survey to find out what my Dæmon was, and here it is! Give me your input!